It is weird to think that this time tomorrow, I will be flying over Europe, preparing to land in Moldova, before driving to Tranistria.

I am growing more and more anxious with each day.

A family friend writes for the Garland Newspaper, and she decided to write an article about my trip to Moldova. She called today to "interview me." One question she asked continues to ring in my head. "What is your purpose for going, like, what ONE thing do you want to accomplish?" Maybe it was a bad sign...like that I am a "bad Christian" or something, but I was taken aback by this question. It wasn't that I couldnt believe she was asking that, it was I was clueless as to what my answer was. Why AM I going? I thought for a second and responded with a heartfelt answer. "I want to show the people of Tranistria/Moldova that there is hope. That they are not forgotten." I didn't mention Christ, and maybe that's why this question and my response continues to loom over me. Does that make me a bad person? In some people's eyes, probably. Let's be honest. There will probably be someone I know who picks up the newspaper and reads that article. They will be probably be sadly disappointed at my lack of "Christian-ese" in my response(s). But you know what? I am okay with that.

"Where is Transnistria?" I hear that a lot. Well..maybe this little map will help. It is currently 21 degrees there. I don't even know what 21 degrees feels like...but I will

As the day to leave draws nearer, I get more and more nervous. I mean, what if I leave every orphanage in tears, heartbroken about the conditions these kids live in. And my mom brought up a good point today... How am I going to adjust to coming back here? It's all going to be rushed when I get back, which makes me nervous. Pretty much, I fly in late Wednesday night, head back to Nac Thursday, to start student teaching on Friday. We'll see how that goes....

It's really weird to think that this time next week, I will be in route to Transnistria. I am so very nervous and extremely excited.

I really don't feel prepared at all. I know I am working with orphans... and I know I have done that kind of work before, but this is going to be so much different. The main thing that concerns me is the emotional burden that will be present everywhere. From what I understand, Transnistria is not the best place ever. I have been told by some that it is a "black hole," forgotten by most. And this is the place that made me willingly stand up and say "PICK ME! I'LL GO!"???

Lately I have been listening to a lot of music. I find it very therapeutic. It seems like so many times, there is an artist out there who has felt similar to what I have felt this semester. I often get fixated on a song or two...until it has no effect any longer. But lately, I have been listening to some Tara-Leigh Cobble, and one of her songs might as well have my name on it. It is actually a cover of a Rich Mullins songs...here it goes

"You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened by the hurt

Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said

Still I'm so scared I'm holding my breath
While You're up there just playing hard to get

You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then

Did You ever know loneliness
Did You ever know need
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on
And Your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat

Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You're up there just playing hard to get?

And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained

And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this somehow
All I really need to know

Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead
And we can not get free of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt blame and regret

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along I guess
It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get"

Can I just be honest? At least with myself?

Life has sucked REALLY badly for the past few months. I have been pretty unhappy most of the time. I dont say this looking for a pity party in return. If anything, I feel like I have been hiding it A LOT! I had a breakdown to rival all breakdowns the other day. I dont know if I have ever hurt so much. And this hurt...sucks. I find myself questioning my faith a lot. It is hard for me to think that a God that loves me would continue to let me hurt like this. I feel like I pray all the time, begging God to take it away...and its only gotten worse.

It sucks. There are so many days that I feel at a loss....hopeless almost.

To say I have been in a "funk" would be correct. This semester has been the toughest yet, and I am not just speaking in academic terms. Though school has been particularly intense this semester, this "funk" would come from emotional, mental, spiritual, and even physical distress. There are so many days that I do not even want to get out of bed.
Sometimes, it seems like it would be much easier to lie in bed all day everyday, under my covers, holding Louie tightly in my safe haven of my little twin bed. I know most people are tired of hearing my "pity party"... which is why I have perfected my masks.

200 and some odd days til I graduate, which means 200 and some odd days til I leave Nac...for good. Weird


Been praying a lot about what the heck is gonna happen come May when I have a degree and no ideas of the future. I did find out that Teach for America (which is a big possibility) is looking into expanding to the Twin Cities beginning next fall. Can you say "perfect?"


I can't help but to continue to evaluate and possibly modify current relationships. After talking to Sammons, I came to the conclusion that you can't necessarily outgrow a "place," though you can outgrow people..which sucks. I have always heard how some people are in your lives for a lifetime, while others are here only for seasons. It is very tempting to look around at the people I surround myself with and wonder..."how long are YOU around for?"

does anyone even still read this?

Been out of comission for a bit.. I apologize.

Did the Focus thing this past weekend..my last one ever actually. I learned a lot. Not so much from the speaker or the breakout sessions, but just through my own time with God.


Had more than my fair share of emotional breakdowns this weekend. God just really opened my eyes to a lot. I am discontent here. I look around and think, "Is THIS what I really spent four years building up to?" I am still marvelling over all that I learned while being up in Minneapolis. And I come back here, and I just see myself being in an enviroment that is not supportive or conducive of that. And I hate it. I am so very discontent here.

I went to debriefing for missions while at Focus. It was good to sit around with people that have been on a similar journey this past summer. I won't lie, I thought it was going to be a lame time, that debriefing would be terribly pointless and boring. But I cannot describe how AMAZING it felt to be in a room with over a hundred other people that WANT to hear ALL ABOUT my summer..just the way I want to hear of theirs. It's hard to come back home and realize that when someone asks, "So, how was your summer?" they are wanting a "good", "okay", or "fine." Most people could care less to hear your stories of how God changed you. They take no interest in the people that you met while being away. But there in that room at debriefing, there was an excitement in the eyes of everyone as they listened to story after story.

It was also nice to realize that I am not alone in this discontentment that I have been feeling. Many people in that room are experiencing or have experienced the same thing. In all reality, it's a part of culture shock..in coming back home with all that you learned and trying to transfer it, while coming to the realization that it's a lot harder than you think. At one point during debriefing, Brenda got up in front of everyone and asked, "How many of you sit with your friends or people at your school and think that the conversation y'all are having is pointless?" Countless hands shot up, including my own. I took relief in that. I am not alone.

I have realized that I want something more out of relationships. I want nothing more than to be authentic. Skip the small talk...there's no use for it. It's simply a waste of time. Let's share our struggles, our heartaches, our joys, our praises. THAT'S what life is about.

I am still sorting through everything that was brought to surface this past weekend. Honestly, I think it is going to be a continual process. There will never be a moment that I finally "get it." I will always struggle with it, always learn more about the relationships I am currently in and those I hope to pursue.

After confiding in a very good friend over the weekend, she asked one thing of me...don't turn cold. And it is so incredibly easy to do that. To be so discontent with things..with relationships.. that you turn cold. My prayer is that I don't do that. That I continue to realize that I DON'T have it all figured out. That there is probably someone in my life that is looking at me and is not happy with our relationship...and if that is you... tell me... be real with me...let's have an authentic relationship.

HAPPY 100th POST!!!!

Classes start Monday...weird. I feel like I have not even had a summer. I am usually pretty stoked about a new semester, especially fall. It is always really exciting seeing everyone after the long summer break. A lot of people change and grow over the summer. I love to sit back and watch how people have changed. But I feel a little uneasy about this semester starting up. It seems like it is too soon...or maybe I am just freaking out because it is my last year here.

Now I am not a terribly political person, but I have been thinking lately. I am reading the Irresistible Revolution by Shaine Claiborne right now, which I definitly recommend.


But in one part, he goes on a political rant about the war in Iraq. And it made me think about something I had never thought about before. When all of this war stuff started, "God Bless America" was plastered everywhere. Claiborne explains in his book that on a trip to Iraq, he began to realize that "the reputation of our nation is not just of America but of Christianity..." Now I would not be one to automatically link America with Christianity, but with all the "God" thrown in with the war jargon, I can see how other countries would get that impression.

Shane goes onto say that while in Iraq, he meets am Iraqi mother who "threw her hands in the air and said, 'Your country is declaring war in the name of God and asking God's blessing, and that is the same thing my country is doing. What kind of God is this? What has happened to the God of love, to the Prince of Peace?'"

I am not pushing my political views out there, but you have to admit, this is an interesting thing to think about.

I am very blessed.

And Katie McGowan is one heck of a woman.

Going to Nac this weekend... so all you crazy kids... GET EXCITED!

My lil MB is graduating... makes me so proud!

That is all.

Well.. I made it back to Dallas. But I must admit, I kind of miss the cities. It has been nice being home though.

I miss a lot about the cities...

like the frequent stops at the coffee shops...
the many intellectual people who LOVE deep conversations...
the late nights out on the porch at the house...
watching the Spelling Bee with Becky MULTIPLE times a week...
the long conversations with Tony outside of Espresso Royale...
the MUCH cooler weather...
the beauty of everything!...
the swing outside the house in Dinkytown...
the other regulars on the bus that I talked to...
the ongoing discoveries of different nuances unique to the north...
the cats in the apartment... (I know, its really weird that I miss cats...)



and so much more..

Last night here

Visited the seminary at Bethel today. Thought it would be a good way to spend my last day here in the cities....looking into spending more time here after I graduate. I did the whole recruitment thing...tour, admissions counseling, etc. I really like the program there. Plus I LOVE the cities... who knows what could happen?!?

Did I mention that we spent our last day with Aubrey and Deanna yesterday? We pretty much just hung out... but when we left, I started crying. I am really going to miss them. They have been such a support for me while being up here. I wish everyone could meet them. I promise, these people make everyone's lives just a little better. I'm very sad to say goodbye to them.

Spent my last night here in the cities with the guys. We went out to eat, then hung out at the house. I got to walk around Dinkytown one last time, which was nice. Then, we chilled out on the front porch of the house with the housemates, enjoying one last Minnesota night. I don't know if I left much of an impression of those guys, but the people in the house have really taught me a lot from our many nights sitting out of the front porch. I'm gonna miss that.

But there are things I WON'T miss...

like walking to the bus stop everyday...

and no A/C in most buildings...

and the awkward looks I get from saying "ma'am" and "sir"...

and the way people are hard to approach up here...

and having to rely on other people for rides all the time...

and not really having a schedule from day to day...

and people teasing us about our southern accents...

or assuming that since I am from Texas, President Bush MUST be my God...

but all in all...I am gonna miss the cities.

Bridge Collapse

Don't know if you have heard yet, but the 35W bridge here in the cities has collapsed. Luckily, we were at Aubrey and Deanna's all day today, which is nowhere near downtown. But things here in the cities are a little crazy. The bridge was just a couple of blocks from Dinkytown. I have crossed that bridge. It's weird, to say the least. And it truly is a terribly sad situation. I would ask that you would pray for the people that were a part of this collapse. There are numerous that have already been confirmed as dead, but still many in the hospitals. And pray for the people effected by this. It really is a terrible trajedy. It was a HUGE bridge that simply buckled and fell, not only in the Mississippi River, but on top of another highway.

TWO DAYS LEFT!!

It's crazy, but in just a few days, I will be home!



Did the Appleton thing again this past weekend. Kasey led worship, I gave a testimony, and Bob preached. Carla, Nate's mom and Bob's wife, also went. She and I had a good time goofing off and having good conversations this weekend as well.

Still wrestling with Scripture a lot, which isn't a terrible thing. Looking into the roles of women in ministry lately. I am sure that has some of you freakin out. Don't worry, I don't know where I stand on that just yet.

We made one last trip to the Mall of America today. The Go Now team from Fargo met us there. We actually went into the amusement park of the mall today, which was fun. Then, I hustled to get to the ride of my life, the train and bus ride back to the apartment.

That is one thing that I will DEFINITLY not miss...the long haul to the bus stop from the apartment. Riding the bus and train isn't so bad, if the bus stop was close by...but walking 30 minutes to a bus stop before riding a bus for an hour... I think I will pass.

I made new friends once again yesterday. And once again, they were middle-aged men. I don't know how I always end up meeting men old enough to be my dad...a little weird. I was out by the pool when they came out. We made small talk for a bit, before they realized I was from the South, which led into a long conversation about a lot of things. I was able to share why I am up here, which led to even more conversation...good conversation though. They both said that they grew up in church, but didn't see the need for it now. They shared with me some of their ideas about Christians. Like that we tend to live in "communes," surrounding ourselves with ONLY other Christians. I had to agree. They also said that we live by a lot of rules. I was able to share with them a little on that, which was nice. They said I "put a new face on Christianity," which wasn't so much a compliment to me, but to the Spirit, who was totally guiding the conversation. After a couple hours of talking, they excused themselves to go watch the Twins game. I sat by the pool and prayed for my new friends, and I would ask that you would too.

I am Game Day Central-ized out.... As much as I love VBS, I am glad that I have only done one... err..two I guess. That up there, that's me and my "best friend" Sammy. She's five and one heck of a crazy kid. But we had fun this week.





Heading back to Appleton this weekend for another preview service. If you could send up a little prayer for that, it would be great.





Thanks to everyone for the prayers and support while my dad was in the hospital and such. He's out now, in case you didn't know.





This time next week, I will be back home. It's totally crazy to think about. I feel like I still have so much I want to do here. Never did get to go hear John Piper preach at his church. Doesn't help that he's out of town a lot.




Just found out about a conference in dallas... in september...called "Lead Now." ... I am thinking about going..http://www.leadnowconferences.com/ check it out

Been wrestling with some scripture lately.. like in Mark 7 when a lady asks Jesus to cast a demon out of her daughter.. Jesus (in a round about way) compares her to a dog..but she insists that even dogs eat crumbs left from the children..so He heals the little girl. What the heck is up with that? Not sure how I feel about it. And the story of the rich young ruler... still trying to figure out what I think about that. To be honest, it kind of makes me uncomfortable, and it would be nice if others didn't give me "easy" answers. If others would wrestle with me, that would be nice.

just for laughs

found this video today... watch it till the end...the last bit is hilarious...i can see kodee doing this

crazy times

Well, this weekend has proven to be a crazy one.

As we were leaving the cities on Friday and heading for Rochester, I found out that my dad had been admitted to the hospital. For the past few months, he has been having trouble catching his breath and generally "not feeling well." So my mom pretty much made him go to the ER when he got home from work on Friday. So there I was, in the back seat of a car with two boys (who don't have a clue what to do with a crying girl...in fact...I am pretty sure they were terrified), with my mom telling me that my dad is having heart troubles. We found out that night that he has some congestive heart failure and something (I don't know the technical term) where his heart doesn't beat regularly, it pretty much just vibrates. It looked like his hospital stay would be "more than a couple of days." We pulled up to Nate's family's home (whom I had never met) and I was an emotional wreck. I felt kinda bad introducing myself with a blotchy face and mascara everywhere, but they knew what was going on and they understood. His family actually came to be somewhat of a comfort during this time, as they offered support and many prayers.

We headed for Appleton on Saturday. I can't say the four hour road trip was a pleasant one. Once we finally got to the town, I settled in my motel room and tried to relax a bit.

Sunday, we got up and had the first preview service of what could be a new church. We had 11 people, which was pleasing. I didn't have to do childcare, since all the parents opted to keep the kids with them.

The four hour road trip back to Rochester was rough too. I haven't slept well the past two nights, worrying about my dad and such, so I'll admit, I was cranky. Plus, I got a phone call from my mom saying that my dad would be having a "procedure" on Monday morning to check for clogged arteries. If found, they would go ahead and fix them then. His heart is pretty weak, so there's a small chance he may have to be on a respirator afterwards.

And there I was, in the middle of butt-crack Minnesota, wanting so badly to go home right then, but with no way of that happening.

After a lot of talking with my mom, a lot of praying, and a lot of tears, my parents insisted that there was no need for me to come home now. "Everything is going to fine," they continued to insist. It's still hard though.. I want to be home, with my daddy and my family.

We finally made it back to the cities at 12:15. Good thing I didn't NEED to fly out tonight...wouldn't have happened.

Beautiful Mess

Heading to Rochester tonight, then to Appleton tomorrow. I am telling you, by the end of the summer, I will have been ALL OVER Minnesota!

We fly back home two weeks from today. And I must admit, I am a little sad at the thought of leaving. I have decided that although there are still SO MANY things I want to do while I am here, places I want to go, things I want to do/see, I am NOT going to do them all. I want to have a reason (or two) to come back. Bob and Nate are still trying to convince me to move here. Just today, we were talking about seminaries. I admitted to really considering Truett, with the main reason being that they have a pretty cross. (Don't deny it, you know it's a beautiful symbol-thing. Afterall, if I ever got a tattoo, I would want that cross... but I feel like I can't get that cross without going to Truett...) I was saying that when I look into seminaries, I always look at what kind of lifestyle statement students much adhere to. Nate brought to my attention that at Bethel (a seminary here in the cities) you can drink. Thanks for making me sound like an alcoholic Nate! haha! He also said that even though Bethel is not a "Southern Baptist" seminary, the MWBC has kinda latched onto it, and if I am a member of a Baptist church up here (like the church plant that Nate is starting on campus) I can get a significant scholarship to Bethel....just a thought...

So I am reading "This Beautiful Mess" right now, by Rick McKinley. He is the pastor at Imago Dei, where Donald Miller goes to church. I am only a little ways into the book, but I must say, it is a GREAT book. It is all about the "kingdom of God." A little excerpt, just for you:

"In the genius of Jesus we find ourselves grasping aspects of the kingdom through a living definition that is growing and changing all the time. Not neat (that's dogma), not reduced (that's formula), not disassembled (that's dead).
But beautiful."

That's the kind of life I want to live. A beautifully messy one.

Good News...

Good news folks....

First, I SAW TONY TODAY!! YAY!!! I was wandering around Dinkytown this afternoon when lo and behold, there he was outside of Espresso Royale. I was able to sit and talk with him for about an hour. I hope to go back and talk with him some more tomorrow.

Still no sign of my Mormon friends.

Second bit of good news...WE HAVE PLANS!! That's right! The next two weekends, we will be in Appleton. You may remember that a few weeks ago, we did some survey work in this rural western Minnesota town, for the possibility of a new church plant. Well, they are going to have two preview services in the next two weekends. And guess what I am in charge of....yup...you guessed it...childcare. But I am actually excited about it. Not only do I get to connect with some of the families again, but I get to dabble in church planting some more and the logistics that go with it.

Thirdly, Jesus Camp went REALLY well. The movie itself was, as predicted, sketchy. However, it did provide for some QUALITY conversation afterwards with Grant and Alex. Let me explain a bit. Both of these guys grew up Catholic, altar boys even. Grant, at some point in recent years, decided that Christianity doesn't hold much validity is now a self-proclaimed agnostic. Alex is searching more than anyone I have ever met. I don't think I have ever known someone who is so HONESTLY searching. We had a great conversation with both of them after the video. A lot of the conversation was actually between the two of them, as they discussed and debated back and forth.

I left tonight realizing more and more the true need for community among people, both believers and non-believers. It often takes a TRUE relationship with people to hold a conversation with them on spiritual matters. Honestly, I feel that even after almost 10 weeks, we dont have that relationship with people here. However, Nate does. And to see the way he composes himself and is careful with his words is amazing. But he knows that no matter what, they will be friends after their conversation, because they have a relationship. THAT'S COMMUNITY...THAT'S MISSIONAL LIVING

in PAIN....

Well folks... it's a new week...and I am still feeling it from the weekend.

I might have mentioned that I got terribly sunburnt from our canoeing trip, but turns out, I got sun poisoning as well. I have spent the last two days in bed, with a fever, feeling like I have the flu, exhausted as all get out, and everything down to my bones hurting. I am in a constant state of lathering in aloe. It stinks.

Did I mention that I got a bike? So now, I ride my bike to the bus stop. However, that's a bit of a mixed blessing. I haven't ridden a bike in YEARS... I forgot how much of a workout riding a bike is! Sheesh! This morning, I rode ALL THE WAY TO THE FRIGGIN BUS STOP and realized.... I DONT HAVE MY BUS PASS!! So I had to come back to the apt, wait a bit, then I am heading back to catch a bus to the U.

We are watching the documentary "Jesus Camp" tonight with the folks in the house. Pretty excited about that. If you aren't familiar with the documentary, I totally suggest looking into it. It's about little kids going to camp and getting all psyched out about Jesus.... looks a little sketchy to me. The people in the house are interested in it..so I am praying for some opportunities for some good conversations with the housemates tonight.

I have been to WISCONSIN!!

Well, the cook out went REALLY well. We had a great amount of people show up. It really was a lot of fun. People stayed around for over hours, just talking and such. It really was a good time.

Our camping and canoeing trip was really fun too. We had four girls, so me and Carina (the youth minister's fiance) had it pretty easy. We canoed the St. Croix River, which borders Minnesota and Wisconsin. It was absolutely beautiful! We went on a nice hike on Saturday night, which magnified the beauty of this place. Early Sunday morning, we packed up and headed out for the River. We canoed a WHOPPING 17 MILES! It took all day... no joke. But it was a good time and we got to see more and more of God's beauty. However, by the end of the day, I was SERIOUSLY sunburnt...like moreso than ever before. I hurt all over now...which is no fun.

No real plans as of yet for the week... so we shall see what happens!

If you didnt like that video, there is something wrong with you.

Well... haven't felt productive lately, which is no fun. I am pretty bummed about it. If you think of it, pray that I will find something to do.

BUT TONIGHT... WE HAVE PLANS!

That's right..we have something to do!! HALLELUJAH!

We are having a cook out at Nate's house, in hopes of making some contacts with people, which is why we are here.

Haven't seen Tony in a while...which makes me sad. I got word yesterday that he was outside Espresso Royale, but by the time I got over there, he was gone. I sat down and pouted, like the mature person that I am.

Haven't seen my Mormon friends either...more sadness.

3 weeks left here in the Twin Cities... let's pray they are a good three weeks.

Love it

4 weeks left in minnesota...

...and I am a little sad about my short time left here. Didn't think I would ever say that.

I have a new favorite music artist...Jonny Lang. I highly recommend him to all of you! He played last night at the Basillica Block Party and he was REALLY good. I really like his sound.

Another night at the block party proved to be so fun. I worked with the same people, at the same beer tent. We worked so well together the night before, that we decided to work together again, and I am so glad we did. We were able to get to know each other more and more. By the end of the night, I had blisters all over both of my hands from opening countless beer bottles. I REEKED of beer and wine, but it was so worth it. I know some people would have looked down on the fact that I "sold beer" on a "mission trip." But I choose to think that this is where Jesus would have been...with the people. None of the people I worked with were churched. They were intrigued as to what would bring me, a Texan, to volunteer at the Block Party. I was able to share with them why I am here, where my heart is, and who Christ is to me.

At the end of the night, one of the ladies I worked closely with pulled me aside and started to shower me with compliments....just telling me about how she saw my heart... and it inspired her..and never change..yadda yadda. I felt that in that moment, God was affirming my decision to work in a "beer tent."

Still struggling with the bus system...

and now for some pics..

my bus station... well..my first one

so excited about riding the bus

the basillica of st mary... isnt it beautiful

This whole bus thing...

... is a little more work that I expected. I walk twenty minutes to my bus stop, hop on, then get off and on another...then off and an on another..then an hour later, I arrive in Dinkytown.

Tonight was night one of the Basillica Block Party. I had another voyage on the bus, which was a little crazy, due to rush hour. After missing my stop and hiking BACK to the basillica, I check in with the raffle-sales people. Don't think I will be doing that again. That was a terrible two hours. No fun whatsoever. But then, the fun started. I went to the "beer tent," where I helped serve. No.... I opened bottle. Really, that was it, but I had a good time! I met some amazing people that were working alongside me. Once again, they were all older (I can't seem to really connect with anyone MY age this summer.....its all older people!) But it was so fun! And we were right in front of the stage, so I saw the entire Lifehouse and Amos Lee show, which were both amazing.

One problem with my night. The bus back to the apartment doesn't run after 6 PM. I was totally unsure of what to do. I hopped on a bus back to Dinkytown, frantically trying to figure something out. When I got off the bus, I decided that my only option would be get a taxi. Only problem, I had never ridden in a taxi before, and I wasn't sure how to get one, or hail one, or whatever it is. After shyly waving at FIVE taxis with none stopping, I finally jumped up and down and waved one over. Once this nice man pulled over and I got in, I realized another problem, I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE APARTMENT IS. After ten minutes of frustration, we figured it out and we were off.

It's been a crazy day, but a good one.

GOOD NEWS!!

I have officially moved out of my closet of a room! YAY!! Now, I am living in an apartment with another girl, Becky. Katie, who went to Appleton with us, lives there too, but is gone for the most part! The apartment is in a suburb of the cities, Roseville. Therefore, I will be riding the bus to and from Dinkytown everyday. I may even get a bike to ride to my bus stop, because its kinda a long way off from the apt... I gotta say, I am excited about the possibility of a bike.

Nate, the guy whose house we have been living in, just got back. He's taken us out and about tonight, which is nice. Looks like he will be our "supervisor" now.

I am volunteering at the Basillica Block Party tomorrow night and Saturday night, which I am stoked about. I will be selling beer and raffle tickets. It should be an awesome opportunity to meet more people. So pray for that if you get a chance.

I am really liking Minneapolis... could I possibily live here one day? Maybe?! There is such a need up here. Only 5 % of CHURCHED people are evangelicals. Do you know how small that is?? REAL SMALL!! Church plants need to be popping up all over the place up here.

a little adventure

dinkytown...my home for the time being... However, I am moving today or tomorrow, to Roseville, a suburb.

I wasn't joking when I said we went door to door.

Pimping the mini-van in Appleton! You are jealous..I know

Well.. I got lost last night. I decided that once we got back to the house, I would go to Wal-Mart. Of course, this meant riding three different buses. So I wrote out my bus schedule and hopped on a bus. I get off at my first stop to transfer to another bus. Little did I know, I would have to cross the street to the other bus stop. So next thing I know, I miss my bus and my entire schedule is ruined. And there I was, in the middle of Minneapolis with not a clue where I was or how to get back. So I called EVERYONE back home, trying to find someone to get online to figure it out for me. Finally, I called good ol Lexie, who got me situated. Of course, this meant sitting at the bus stop for another hour waiting.

It was during my wait time that a man approached me, whom I am pretty sure was intoxicated. He hit on me... telling me that I was beautiful, because (and I quote) "my ears aren't too big and I don't have a big nose." Well if that doesn't woo a girl, I don't know what will! I finally got on a bus and got to Wal-Mart. But once I was there, I realized I didn't know how to get back. So I got on the first bus I found and rode it until it got somewhere that was familiar. I then got off, and decided to walk the rest of the way. Good times on the transit system.

back to the cities

Our time in Appleton is complete. It was a nice, productive week. I have to admit, hanging out with another girl was nice too. But now it is back to the cities, and I have no idea what the next 5 weeks hold in store for me.

I do have two new friends though...well..kinda. I had already met them, but now, I consider them friends. It's the two Mormon missionaries. I see them all the time, as their assignment is here in Dinkytown. Now, instead of just a "hey.." and small talk, they pull up a chair to my table outside of Espresso Royale. I enjoy talking to them, which is good. So now my total of friends in Minneapolis is a whopping THREE...Tony, and the Mormons. Love it.

We set out on an urban adventure today. We hopped on a bus, got off at the wrong stop, wandered around downtown, and somehow found our way to the train station. Final destination...Mall of America. Holy Canoli... this mall is huge. It was extremely overwhelming. I hope to go back before we leave, simply because I didn't get to see it all. Heck, I realized after spending two hours in Old Navy (which was the biggest Old Navy I had ever been in, AND it was having the BIGGEST SALE EVER!!), that I was in the largest mall in America, what the heck am I doing spending all my time in one store? We spent over five hours in the mall, and I didnt see half of it. And we definitly didn't get to play in the amusement park.. so we BETTER go back.

I made a new "friend" in the mall though. His name is Soso. He's from Israel, getting his MBA here. He was a little creepy, I will admit. He was trying to sell me lotion or something, but was weird about it....giving me all sorts of compliments..even asking me out on a date and giving me his number. He's Jewish, which he claimed made him "perfect," but that he would "settle for my imperfections." Well, that relieves me, because I was worried. sheesh!

Don't know what this next week holds... but I am learning to laugh at the lack of a schedule and go with it.

Greetings from Appleton!

After driving over three hours from the cities, we arrived in Appleton on Tuesday. Nothing to exciting here. It's a town of about 2000 people. There are two places in town to eat...no joke. There is another girl, Katie, who is with us this week, which is so nice. I know this sounds weird, but it's nice having someone to share a room with. I think I was becoming weirded out from being all alone in my closet.

We surveyed the people here. I gotta admit, I was not down with it at first. I mean, we were literally going door to door, asking people 3 questions.
1. Do you currently attend a church regularly?
2. Would you be interested in being a part of Bible Study that could possibly lead to brand new church in Appleton?
3. Is there anything we can pray with you about?

We surveyed for about two and a half days. Every house in Appleton got a knock on it at some point during that time. And I gotta say, it was very interesting. There are A LOT of elderly people in this community, and most go to the Lutheran church. (Lutherans are EVERYWHERE up here!) I mean, one lady said, "Well it's nice that you are here, but you do know that this is a very Lutheran community?!) There were few people that were rude, but most were very nice. We had some that showed great interest, which was encouraging. Tonight, we had a little get-together. It was very nice. I must confess, I was very nervous about what the turnout would be like. But a few families showed up, which was very nice. They were all young families with children, and all very excited about the possibility of a new church. So if you can, keep Appleton in your prayers.

Heading back to the cities tomorrow. Don't know what awaits us there.... definitly some good times at Espresso Royale with Tony though!

Heading to Appleton

No Mewithoutyou tonight... sad day.

But, I may be volunteering at the Basillica Block Party in a couple of weeks...so that could be fun.

We went to that heavy metal church yesterday, New Hope Baptist. It was an really good experience. For one, I don't think I would ever find that in Texas. I mean, we sang Nothing But the Blood of Jesus scream-o style. Well, when I say "we" I mean "they." Because I definitly did not scream. But this church reached out to people that probably would have never otherwise stepped in church. A couple of people gave testimonies, and it was so neat to see how God had worked in their lives through this church. Just made me think...what if a church did worship to rap? How awesome would that be?

Tomorrow, we are heading to Appleton, Minnesota. It is a very small town in rural western Minnesota. There, we will be doing church survey work. And in a very weird and nerdy way, I am looking forward to it. I am excited about hearing what people have to say about church. I think it should be a very interesting and enlightening week. We will be with another girl (YAY!), Katie, and another guy, which I have no idea who he is.

So I have been thinking a lot lately, even talking to some pretty knowledgeable people about this... what exactly IS a disciple? On Saturday, at the leadership conference, the speaker basically said that every Christian is a disciple. Almost like they are synonymous words. But I have talked with people since that disagree, saying that not all Christians are disciples. Some think that to be a disciple, you must be taking part in such things like going to church, doing the Great Commission. And don't get me wrong, I do believe that those are important and worthy things to do. But is THAT what makes you a disciple? I mean, does Scripture say that? Does Scripture say at all what a disciple is? I am just wrestling with this whole idea and what exactly it means to be a disciple.

a bit of a rant

So our root beer floats/fruit smoothies/movie night last night didn't fly so well. But it gave me a good opportunity to sit outside in the cool weather, read a bit and talk to some folks. I was even able to talk to Bob for a bit about a lot of things. We talked about what I had read lately, what I want to do when I graduate, my dreams of doing some sort of ministry work, my heart for social justice, etc. Quality conversation.

This weekend, we are staying with Aubrey and Deanna.. YAY! We had a leadership development conference with a professor form Dallas Thelogical Seminary at the church all day today. It was really good information, just a LOT of it in a short amount of time.

Found out that Mewithoutyou is playing here in the Twin Cities on Monday.... think I may try to be in attendance. Looks like (go figure) I will be going by myself, but that's cool. I think the boys are a little intimidated by the bus system... I figure I will get there eventually.


So one of the books I read this past week was The Barbarian Way, by Erwin McManeus. I highly recommend it. But in it, it talked about how John the Baptist was a true Barbarian. Obviously, his fashion sense and taste for food were a bit different...but the way he lived his life was admirable.

I mean, he baptized Jesus, saw the Holy Spirit descend on Him, and heard God speak from above. Later, John was in jail, waiting to be killed. And he sent word to Jesus to ask, "Are you the Messiah? Are you the one who was sent?" HE FREAKING SAW THE HOLY SPIRIT AND HEARD GOD SPEAK! But he still questioned. I believe that he thought that if Jesus was who He said He was, He would help a brotha out and bust him outta jail! WORD! See, we often think that "the center of God's will is the safest place to be." But is that true? I admit, I said those exact words before I left for Minneapolis, but then I look at people in Scripture like John, Paul, oh heck, most of Jesus' disciples. They all died a martyr's death. Were they not in the center of God's will? I mean, call me crazy, but if dying can't be the "safest place."

(Mom, you may want to stop reading now...for your own benefit:) )
Though I highly doubt that it will come to this up here in Minneapolis, but I HAVE to be willing to die for Christ. Because the safest place to be is NOT in God's will. Many people, both in Scripture and in modern times have died for His name, and I have be willing to do the same.

productivity..wait...WHAT?

Yup... I was productive yesterday! HALLELUJAH!! It may not have been the most amazing thing to do...but I did it anyways. And I am thinking that my OCD-ness got the best of me on this one..but once again, thats okay. What did I do? I organized my supervisors bookshelves. Yeah.. you're jealous, I know. But I was in his office yesterday afternoon and was developing a bit of a twitch from the random and highly cluttered stacks of books all over the shelves. There was no system to it. So after he left, I came back in his office, took EVERYTHING off of the shelves (and man, he has a lot of books) and grouped them by catergory, only to resehelve them with their group, and in alphabetical order by author. I live an exciting life, I know.

Last night, the Catholic ministry across the street was having a concert, so I wandered over there afterwards. It was a really pleasant experience. Very small setting...maybe twelve people. The last set the girl sang was all worship. I hadn't worshipped like that in a long time. It was very refreshing, especially given the circumstances I find myself in this summer.

Read another book last night... a whole one. Once again, you are jealous of my exhilirating life, I know.

But let me tell you something that actually IS exciting...about my new best friend. And no, not Tony. It's this thing called Red Box. I saw it in McDonalds here a few nights ago. Its basically a vending machine for renting movies. And get this, its only a DOLLAR A DAY! That's right..a dollar. And they have all the same movies as Blockbuster or Hollywood. I was so excited.. I came home with a movie, beaming with joy. I thought I had just discovered a treasure in this Red Box. It wasn't until I saw Grant, a housemate, that my dreams was squelched. Red Box has been around for over a year here. And then I talked to Liz, who told me they have them in Houston. DANG IT! I thought I was on the up-and-up!

Clinging to Him

It's official... the lovely Katie McGowan confirmed it for me... I am experiencing culture shock.

I am terribly lonely up here. I can't seem to REALLY connect with anyone. People here are so completely different than they are back home. I mean, I knew I lived in the Bible Belt, but I guess I didn't realize what all that meant. It's not that it's bad up here, really. It's just so different than what I am used to. I spend most of my days all by myself, which gets old, quick. I have my own little adventures (which I will get to later), but by 10 o clock at night, I am in my closet of a room, lying in bed, bored out of my mind. Yesterday, we had absolutely NOTHING to do, so I called good ol Maribeth, who looked up a local library for me. She said the map said it was only two miles away. WRONG!! That stupid library was AN HOUR'S WALK AWAY!!! I walked all that way to spend a nice relaxing afternoon reading, and then of course, Wednesday is the day the library closes early. So I was only there for 2 hours before having to walk an hour back! Though I didn't think so at the time, I look now and it is comical. But I have realized, I REALLY gotta learn the transit system here. Shoot... this sista will ride the bus.

The only person I really talk to here is Tony (who is actually from Croatia, not Russia..whoops) He is at the coffee shop pretty much everyday. So I get quality interaction with someone for about an hour and a half a day...other than that... it's just me.

I am beginning to think that maybe this is a God thing that I am all alone. I mean, normally, I HATE being alone. I avoid it at all costs. I am sure there are all kinds of reasons as to why. And God knows that. So He put me in a situation where I am FORCED to be alone...where I am forced to sit and listen to Him, and cling to only Him.

Just last night, I was laying in bed, around 10:30, desperately trying to go to sleep. And I couldn't. Next thing I know, I am bawling my eyes out. (I am hoping the people who live in the rooms around me weren't home) I was so unbelievably frustrated...with always being alone, with having no direction, with simply not knowing what God is doing this summer. I opened up to Psalms and found relief in 25:16-18
Turn to me and be gracious to me, For I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses. Look upon my affliction and my trouble, And forgive all my sins.

I just prayed over that verse over and over. I think I eventually wore myself out that I passed out. But I woke up this morning with a renewed mind..a new spirit. I still have no direction, I am still all alone... But something is different.

P.S.
All you that like to tease me for reading so much will be happy to know that I have already read ALL of my books I brought with me. In just a week and a half, I have read 8 books...I am all out, which just adds to the frustration.

Week 2 begins

So we were walking home one day, and we saw Grant (in the grey, hes our housemate) standing under a tree outside the house. I said..."IS HE REALLY...??" Sure enough.. He was picking mulberries right off the tree and eating them. At first it was hilarious! Then Kasey joined in.... and I thought Why not? So this is our new favorite thing to do to pass the time.

Did I mention that I have a spider bite or something underneath my chin? Ya...take a look at it..it's gross. Try walking up to people and starting a conversation with THAT THING pertruding out of your face. Not fun. And it did look a LOT worse.. it was pretty much healing at this point.

We passed out free water and lemonade one day..the boys are dang excited..can't you tell? The next day we had free homemade ice cream.

So there are two Mormon missionaries here in Dinkytown. I have met them and talked with them a few times, just chit chat...nothing really. But they are basically doing the same thing we are, just talking to people and such. I wonder if they have a plan for this... I may ask them.

Let's see... we are starting a Bible Study on Thursday... so if you could pray for that. Over the next couple of days, we are going out, asking people to come...we'll see how that goes. And Friday night, we are having a movie night here at the Upper Room, with smoothies and root beer floats. Pray for that too...that connections will be made with people.

Next week, we are off to somewhere else... dont ask me where, I don't know. But somewhere else in either Minnesota or Wisconsin (?) another church plant is starting up. So the three of us and another girl (YAY) will be going there and doing some survey work for the week. I knew I shouldn't have told God that I didn't want to move around this summer..

Tonyyyyyyyyy

We are at Aubrey and Deanna's today.....and I almost feel like I am at home.

Well, I met up with Tony later that night. He was still at the coffee shop after dinner, so I joined him outside. I began to read my book and he took an interest in one of them and was skimming it. About 10 minutes into it, he stopped and asked, "What do you think about the Holy Spirit?" I was like.. CHECKA WHAT?! Where the heck did that come from? First, I tried to get him to tell me what he thought. I don't think he understood me. All he could do was nod and say he was Catholic. Dang it... that didn't go anywhere.

I am usually totally against the flat out "Who is Jesus to you?" type "evangelizing... but I had such a heavy heart. I mean... he asked about the Holy Spirit.. it's not like it would be COMPLETELY random. So I simply asked, "Since you asked about the Holy Spirit, let me ask, what do you think about Jesus?" All I got was a nod. SHOOT! Not what I was going for. I asked again, I think I even wrote it out this time. He said, "Same." He explained to me that he was baptized as a baby, that he grew up in church, and Jesus was the same. This was definitly not getting anywhere. The language was not this much of a problem earlier...why is it now? So I did the only thing I could think of... I went to Scripture. We looked at different pieces of scripture, some in the Gospels, some in Romans. And we simply discussed it. I basically laid out the gospel for him. He understood, but not completely.

So I asked him if he had a Bible of his own. He said yes. We made plans to meet the next day, same place, same table, same coffee shop, same time. We would read through a bit of John and discuss it.

Come the next day, I didn't feel like it. (I will get into that in another post) But I met Tony at 5 on the dot, same table, same coffee shop. When I first sat down, he gave me a keychain he had bought with the letter "A" on it... Well that was nice. Then, he pulled a T-shirt out of his bag. See, he coaches a basketball team at the YWCA in uptown Minneapolis. I am not totally sure, but I think the shirt was a gift. If I am expected to play, we are going to have some problems.

He also got out a Bible, and we opened up to John. We read through the first two chapters and discussed it a bit. Then, he kept asking me questions about the differences in Protestants and Catholics. When I tried to tell him that it didnt matter, he refused to take my attempt to dodge it. Somehow, though, we got off the topic, but had lost anything we had going with John.

As I was leaving, I grabbed the key chain and shirt. He insisted I also take the Bible. It was a Catholic Bible, and he said he already had one and knew that I didn't. I am continuing to pray for Tony.. and I ask that you do too. Not because he claims to be a Catholic...that's not the problem here (please don't hear me wrong). He just has a skewed idea of Christ... one that is mixed with church attendance and baptism, not one of living life to its fullest.

more pics... and some good stuff

my humble abode

mr aubrey... gotta love him

Well.... i know this is like a million posts in one day... oh well!

The other day, we sat out on our first day of prayerwalking. Notice to all, I am not a fan of prayerwalking. Go ahead...call me a bad Christian. It's not that I think it is pointless or anything. I just cannot stay focused during it, and I usually end up frustrated with myself. Well, we were walking alongside the fraternity houses at this time. One house had all of their windows open, and a rap song was blaring out from inside. Don't ask me the artist or title of the song..because I don't know, but as we passed, I kept hearing "Lord, give me a sign." Next thing I know, we are long passed the fraternity houses and I find myself repeating that same phrase over and over in my head, without realizing it. I quickly made that my prayer, that God would give me a sign...that through all of the frustration and awkwardness that has surrounded these past few days, that I AM called to be here.

Today, our assignment was to sit at a coffee shop (love it!) and engage in a conversation with someone and tell them why we are here. I was talking to my dear friend Lindsay on the phone when a nice, middle aged man sat next to me. I got off of the phone and finished my drink. He quickly smiled, pointed at my cup, I awkwardly nodded, and he took off with my cup. I had no idea what was going on! No worries. He came back later with my cup filled with coffee. We then started talking, kind of. He was from Russia, I think, and his English was very hard to discern. However, we were able to talk for over and hour and a half. We talked about why I was in Minneapolis, his times in Russia, his religious background, and so many other things. His name is Tony. I ask that you would pray for him. I have decided to regularly go to this coffee shop, "Espresso Royale," and sit outside, as I have the past few days. He says he is a regular here and would love to talk again. Pray that we are able to meet up and talk more about God's Word and who Christ is.

Me.... on our day of fishing

The Minneapolis Skyline

Gotta love Dinkytown

Good ol U of M

Look out Dinkytown!

The vacation is over.

We arrived in Dinkytown yesterday. A little explanation. Dinkytown is an area on the campus of the University of Minnesota. It is an art district..kinda. Lots of little shops, coffee shops, things like that. Real cute little place.
We are staying in a boarding house...which has proven to be an experience. The boys are on the first floor...big room... two couches, beds, a TV, fridge....the works. I am on the THIRD FLOOR (Yes, me, the laziest person ever, walking up and down 3 flights of stairs numerous times a day) in a closet. Seriously...its smaller than a room in Steen. I hope to put some pictures up soon, so you can share in this.

God is pushing me..in just about every direction. The whole VBS thing, moving around from place to place (I move again in 2 weeks...i DISTINCTLY remember telling God that I did NOT want to move around this summer), working on relationships with the boys on my team, a comical living arrangement, lots of prayerwalking (I don't do well at staying focused)...
Really, its to the point now that it's funny. I should have known not to tell God what I wanted.

Things are different here in Minneapolis though. The speed limits on the highways are 55! I could never do that! They have lights on the ends of the on ramps, telling you when to come on the freeway, and EVERYONE WALKS EVERYWHERE! We walked around yesterday afternoon for a little over an hour, prayerwalking the campus and such. It really is a beautiful place.

Hopefully, I will remember to bring in my camera to the Upper Room (the ministry we are working at) so I can upload some pics for you all to see.

Where is Minneapolis?

I AM FINALLY HERE!! I have taken Minneapolis by storm... well...maybe not so much.

But first, a pic from my time in dallas...

This is me and my VBS class of 3rd and 4th graders...i love em

We finally made it here yesterday. Our supervisor is out of town til Monday, so we are staying somewhere else for the weekend. Aubrey and Deanna, our host family, are my new favorite people. They are as sweet as pie. They are a retired couple that are just as nice as can be. I have loved spending time with them thus far. Aubrey is a precious older man and Deanna is a true Southern Belle. I may not know her very well, but I really admire her. She is an older lady, and still has a mentor, which I think is amazing. She is soft spoken, very much a lady, but so fun to be around.

Last night, we went to their church where they were having a prayer vigil for missions. This will be our church for the summer, too. I met some incredible people there, too. I can't wait to spend the summer getting to know these people more and more. There'e Rosie, who is from Brazil. She is so consumed with fire for God. And a girl from Romania ( I won't even TRY to spell her name) who is as sweet as ever. And Joan... I love her. She is Deanna's mentor. She is absolutely hilarious.

Today, Aubrey and Deanna took her to a Twins game. It was a lot of fun. Joan joined us as well, which made things much more entertaining. She is an older lady who REFUSES to keep up with technology. When Deanna asked her to get out her phone, Joan couldn't even figure out how to open it (it was a flip phone!). I love it. We realized tonight while at the game that neither me, Kasey, nor Bryan knew where we were. I thought about it, and I had no idea where Minnesota was, much less Minneapolis. We felt real dumb when we asked if we were close to NYC, Chicago, and DC. Needless to say, I have figured it out now.

And in case you were wondering too... Here's Minnesota..with Minneapolis in the lower right corner

I have heard a rumor that there may be other teams coming in from other places to work here this summer too. I am kinda hoping so, simply so I won't be the only girl.

Here I come!!!

In less than 12 hours, I will be on a plane to Minneapolis. I am stoked...

But that also means one thing..tonight was my last night at FBC Urbandale doing VBS. And man... I am REALLY going to miss it. Who would have thought that you could build such great relationships with people in just one week. For starters, my kids. I mean.. all 7 of em, I am going to miss. They are by far the best class at VBS.. and by golly, they better win the contest and get a pizza party! EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM KNOWS THEIR MEMORY VERSE! I am so proud! I just wish I could be there tomorrow night at Family Night...when they sing their songs for their family, put on a play of the prodigal son, and say their memory verses.

And the people at the church... I love em! In a short amount of time, I got so comfortable around them. I mean, you would have thought I had been coming for years! Tonight, after all the kids left, all of the adults gathered around me Bryan and Kasey and laid hands on us. As they all prayed, I could tell that they really cared, and that meant something. I got so many business cards with contact information and DEMANDS to keep in touch! This really was a great week, even at times if I got frustrated.

FLASH! It's a electrifying...

Veggie Tales songs... stuck in my head.

Well today was day four of VBS at FBC Urbandale. Man, God has been good. We started with one, Victor, on the first night. Then, on Monday, my Pecan Knoll days came to use as we passed out flyers in the neighborhood around the church. (The boys were convinced we were going to get shot,which was hilarious!) That night, we had FOUR NEW KIDS! And last night, we had TWO MORE NEW ONES!! That brought our class attendance to 7! And with only 18 kids total at VBS, 7 in my class was pretty amazing.

I wish I had an ounce of the passion these kids have. I mean, these are third and fourth graders, who this week, and EVERY SUNDAY, get themselves up, dress themselves, and walk to the church... JUST TO BE THERE! No parents hassling them to wake up and get ready....nothing.

I have to admit, it has been hard to have the right attitude this week. During the day, we go into the office, sit there for a while, then do some grunt work. Like today, we moved a whole library of books upstairs to another room. Not the best job ever. But I had to keep saying Colossians 3:23 to myself to keep my focused. Bryan and Kasey seem to be doing fine...so maybe it is just me. It may be because I don't really feel like this is the "field," since home is just 20 minutes away. But that goes back into the whole "field" mentality... shouldn't it ALL be a field? I mean, I don't WANT to compartmentalize my life, but it seems that every time I turn around, I am..UGH

The summer has officially begun...

Well, I'm here... okay...not quite Minneapolis. I am actually still in Dallas to be honest.

We are working with FBC Urbandale in the heart of Dallas this week doing VBS until we leave for Minneapolis on Friday. I have to admit, I thought doing VBS would be a "few hour a day" job, but no. I was up at the church today for well over thirteen hours...not that it's a bad thing. But needless to say, I am tired.

I am getting to know the guys on my team more and more. However, circumstances make it difficult, which can easily be viewed as a bummer. See, Bryan and Kasey are staying at another host home this week, so I really only see them up at church. But, this has given me a lot of time to myself, to pray, study the Word, and just listen to what God has to say. He has already pushed me in ways I would not have expected. Let's just say that He showed up before Orientation was even over.

Funny story... so we are at Chili's today (my team and some church members). I am sitting next to Kasey, a guy on my team. Somehow, we, as a table, start talking about piercings. Ok..timeout.. let me say.. I have a clear spacer in my nose, so I am not sure anyone has noticed or not.... So, next thing I know, Kasey says, "I hate noserings. They are just SO ugly." Now I may not know the kid very well, but I turn to him like he was any ol' friend and sarcastically say, "Well tell me how you really feel!" Granted I was just joking, but poor thing, he felt so bad. He was mortified. He had forgotten all about my nose ring. However, it was hilarious.

Well, I gotta jet... got an early day canvasing the area around the church tomorrow. I hope to hear from some of you occassionally.

a little of this, a little of that

Found this picture on a blog entry from the Ooze back in February. This is an actual picture of the doors to a church. The only way to get in is to have someone let you in from the inside. Isn't that how a lot of churches act today?






On another note, I have been thinking lately, "I am not good enough." Now I have always had a pretty low self esteem. I have never been the first one to pipe up and say, "I am AMAZING at that, so let me do it." I don't know why....but self confidence has never been a strong point for me. It seems like for the last few months, I am constantly battling with the thought, "Man, I may claim to be a follower of Christ, but I STINK at it..." It seems like everyone else has it together... and I am stumbling along. To be honest, I don't think I have EVER thought that I had this whole "Jesus" thing down.... I have no clue what I am doing. I feel like I am always screwing up, both in my eyes and in God's. But is that how it is supposed to be? Surely, not.

accountability

So I have been thinking about accountability a lot lately. Accountability has many different forms within the church.

Of course, there is the one on one accountability that can be sometimes seen as discipleship. I personally, have never had a good experience with this. I have tried on numerous occasions with different people, but it has never really worked out. Don't ask me why it has never been successful for me... guess that's the way it was intended to be, right?

But what about accountability on what you believe? Like if I say that my faith involves some outlandish idea, should other believers not hold my accountable to this? Should they not say, HELLO!!! ? It seems that within the church, we have gotten maybe a little too open. We have leaders standing up and saying that their faith rests on things that are a little out there. When they are questioned about their beliefs, they put up the defense of, "Hey... I am just saying... This is just what I believe...Noone else has to..." But is that okay?

This is just a bit of what I have been wrestling with lately. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Minneapolis..in a few short days?

That's right folks..I will be off to Minneapolis in less than a week...sorta


Here's my address while I am up there....
Miss Ashlee Stricklin
PO Box 14249
Minneapolis, MN 55414

keep it real

sad day

So I came to a stark realization the other day. I really am a poor college student.

I was home alone one evening (there's no telling where Lindsay and Kacey were). I got up and trudged to the kitchen, praying that a quality dinner option would appear before my eyes. With a mere twenty three cents to my name and minimum possibilities for dinner, I was expecting to have to eat rice, which is what I had eaten for the past week. As I opened the cabinet, I got a brilliant idea. What looked like another bland dinner, turned into quite a feast. I busted out some Mexican rice, ranch-style beans, tortillas, and diced tomatoes for my own entree de la everything. I laid out my options on the coffee table and made some mix of dinner. I gotta say, it wasn't terrible, until my lovely roommate Lindsay walked in and made fun of me for one heck of a meal.

Reminded me of this one time, when I was younger. I had a brilliant idea to make spaghetti, but my own way. I made some raman noodled and mixed in a can of diced tomatoes. It was the most disgusting I had ever made, to say the least.

So yes, I really am a sad, poor college student

Married with children

I am not married...big shock there, right? Don't see it happening anytime soon either, which is totally fine with me, but it really seems to bother others.

Yesterday, I was at my home church talking with someone I really respect, just the usual catch-up on life. Of course, he asked what many people are asking lately, which is what am I going to do after I graduate. I told him of some of my dreams, including the Peace Corps, teaching in Uganda, or who knows what else.

Now this is what kills me. When I told him about what I want to do with my life, he replied by saying, "Now Ashlee, you have to think about marriage. I mean, if you want to get married, it will probably have to happen in the next five years. And when you get married, that is going to change all of your plans. Like, what if he wants to work at a bank in Dallas? You will have to settle on some of your dreams."

I was floored. Why is it that even within the church, marriage is the pinnacle of life? Shouldn't the emphasis be put on finding your self complete in Christ, not in a spouse?

I responded to this comment by telling him that I am perfectly okay with the possibility of not getting married. And if, by chance, it is in God's plan for me to get married, it will happen whereever I am, be it Uganda or Dallas. Besides, shouldn't by possible husband and I share the same passions?

When it rains, it pours

No joke...lately, life has been a little less than desirable. Problems just continue to surface with very few of them actually getting resolved.

But I have decided (after reading Katy Reed's blog, which I think you should do) that I am going to be a little more optimistic about life. How can that hurt? I dont know if I will go about it with the whole purple bracelet approach... but either way, it will get done. I realized after talking to some of my students the other day that my life, no matter how many problems pop up, is not as bad as I can make it out to be. The world really is not a hell-hole, contrary to what many believers may think. Granted, it's no heaven-on-earth...but it's really not terrible. So I am going to live it up...optimism in hand.

With that being said, Minneapolis is in eighteen days. And I am starting to get nervous. I know it's what I am supposed to do and all. But I don't really know WHAT I am doing. I am hoping to get more info this week. Like where I will be staying...that would be a nice piece of info.

less than a month?

It is crazy to think that in a month, I will be in Minneapolis.

I did not realize how soon it was until someone else brought it to my attention. Now, all of the sudden, the excitement and fear are beginning to collide within me.

I know this summer will be one of the most amazing summers of my life. God is going to do amazing things both in me and through me.

But I am scared... as hell. I think this may be the first time I am admitting it...(how genius is it to admit it online?) But I am. I am nervous about many things. Like WHAT THE HECK WILL I BE DOING?!? Not quite sure yet?! Or how well will I get along with the two guys on my team? Or how will I deal with being away from everything and everyone I know for ten weeks? And more importantly, how will my parents deal with it?

I anticipate for things to be different when I return. As always, the start of a new year will do its usual and force relationships to change, grow, and die out. But how much will I when I return? And how much of what I know and am comfortable with, how much will that change?

I guess only time will tell. Until then...

Secrets...

Every Sunday, one of the first things I do is check PostSecret. It may be as early as 2 in the morning, and I check the site, hoping that new secrets have been listed. But why? Is it like a bad wreck, and I am simply drawn to others' secrets? Or am I hoping that with each postcard that I read, I will find my secret. Though I have never sent in any postcards creatively depicting my inner secrets, I always end up holding out, waiting for one of my secrets to appear on the screen.

Love your neighbor...

"How I treat a brother or sister from day to day, how I react to the sin-scarred wino on the street, how I respond to interruptions from people I dislike, how I deal with normal people in their normal confusion on a normal day may be a better indication of my reverence for life than the anti-abortion sticker on the bumper of my car."
- The Ragmuffin Gospel


I want to live like this. But why can't I? Why can't I live with reverence instead of just speaking about reverence?

I was reading a "Seed Story" today. This guy was telling about how in his (home) church, they have an open sharing time, where any and everyone shares what God has been doing in their life over the past week. This man was saying how throughout their discussions, the group often leads into heavy conversations. He admitted to wanting to take a firm stance on everything. But he then realized that he needed to "limit his soap-boxes to only 2."

And I thought...what if we did that? And more directly, what if I did that? What if I had to speak up less about what I believe because I was living it out more? Isn't that what it's about...living out your faith, not just talking about it?

But what do I know?

check it out

pretty self-expanatory...

before I die...

I have been working on this for a bit...and now... my running list of things to do before I die...

Wear out as many bibles as I can

Learn to play the piano

Spend some time in Uganda

Go to a catholic church on easter

Kiss in the rain

throw a dart at a map and travel wherever it lands

be on broadway in some form

walk hand-in-hand with someone in central park

meet clayton king

get a tattoo

ride a horse on the beach

dance in studio 54

read the bible cover to cover

witness the miracle of life

save a life

write me autobiography

help build a tree house

ride an elephant

take a hot air balloon ride

have a hobby room in my house

swim with the dolphins

go to a midnight mass on Christmas eve

go on a cruise

take singing lessons

experience zero gravity

go white water rafting

shower in a waterfall

drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring

learn to play the guitar

learn to bartend

go to confession at a catholic church

figure out how a way to enjoy coffee

be in the audience of the oprah show

sit under a tree reading a book at Harvard

be able to go day to day without taking meds

spend the night in a hammock

sit on a jury

record my family history

send a message in a bottle

walk on the great wall of china

drive across America on route 66

crowd surf

Spend a day visiting car dealerships and test drive highly expensive sports cars that I'll never be able to afford

Learn to surf

Go to a gay bar (weird..i know)

Fly first class

Ride in an 18-wheeler

Go to the fao Schwartz store in new york

Sleep under a tree with no bedding/tent

Have a friend in every continent

Respect your elders

Today, I was standing outside the BSM when a precious elderly woman pulls up in her boat of a car. As the window rolls down, she leans over and asks if I know where a particular street is. Apparently, there was one heck of a garage sale on North Pecan street. Unforunately, I did not know where this particular festivity was. So the lovely old woman was on her way, setting out to find this haven.

Thirty minutes later, I am sitting next to her at the light at North street. As we sit there for a few minutes, I just watch her and let my mind wander. She is talking to herself, but I can't quite make out what she is saying. Then, she starts examining her manicured nails, probably evaluating when she should go in for a fill.

As the light changes and we go our seperate ways, I start to wander....what will I be like when I am old? I think alot of times, we imagine ourselves as young marrieds, maybe kids, living it up as "grown ups." But who sits back and thinks about being 70 years old?

I wander if, at the appropriate time, I will take the first step into "mature living" and start driving a Cadillac or Grand Marquis. Of course, it will be a nice champagne or white color...something neutral and earth toned. Most likely, I will also have a short hair cut...permed...maintained with a nice teasing and hairspray between the weekly visits to my "beautician."

It's something to think about... what you will be like in a few decades....

definition of a Christian??

After talking to Landon for a bit today, as what usually happens after a good conversation with him, I was left with a lot to think about. So this is what's on my mind...

Christian...in simplest terms..what does it mean? By saying that you are a Christian, believer, or whatever term you choose to use, what is it that you are saying?

I think many people, both believers and non-believers, think that by claiming yourself to be a Christian, you are taking a stand on every issue out there. For example, by saying you are a Christian, many would assume you are saying you are against homosexuality, or alcohol, or a number of other things. But is that what you are saying?

I know that when I bring up my faith in Christ, I am not saying anything other than I accept the grace that Christ offers me.

With that said, it is okay in my books if not all believers feel the same about all issues. That's what makes us unique, true? Too often it turns into an "us vs. them" rhetoric between brothers and sisters in Christ. Is that really necessary? Can't we all just take comfort in the fact that we all believe in the same Christ and the grace that He offers? Is that not enough?

just some ramblings..

So.. be in the world but not of it... how often have you heard that? But more importantly, do you understand it? And if you do, could please fill me in.

Be a Jew to a Jew, a Gentile to Gentil, etc... but how?

How long do you love someone before sharing the truth...or do you ever?

I am sure you have heard that as believers, we should be in relationships with non-believers. And most people say that all is well, as long as "you are the one influencing them, not them influencing you." But is this okay?

being home...and loving it??

Is it possible that I am home for the weekend and ENJOYING IT? I know, I think it's weird too. As I drove home yesterday, I was ACTUALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT? Maybe it is because I have had an incredibly rough week and I needed to get away. I mean, it's not like I have big plans for the weekend. In fact, I fully intend on sitting in the oversized chair in the living room, switching off between a good book and watching movies and Lost episodes. I doubt I will be changing clothes all that often.

But I am reminded, as I think I have said before, of Jesus returning to his hometown in Mark 6

1Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples. 2When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed.
"Where did this man get these things?" they asked. "What's this wisdom that has been given him, that he even does miracles! 3Isn't this the carpenter? Isn't this Mary's son and the brother of James, Joseph,[a] Judas and Simon? Aren't his sisters here with us?" And they took offense at him.
4Jesus said to them, "Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor." 5He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. 6And he was amazed at their lack of faith.

A "prophet without honor"...that's me, everytime I come home. No, I know I am no prophet. But I totally get it. Everytime I come home, I am the person I was when I left here three years ago. I ignorant, silly, naive eighteen year old...

intentions...definition 3a

Is it possible to have the best of intentions and still get screwed over somehow? Well yes, it is. Why? The same reason the church can be a whacked out place...the same reason there are creepy people in the world doing mean things...because we are human.

Though I may feel that I have/had the best of intentions with someone, it has been brought to my attention that they can take it in a completely different way. Dang it..I thought I actually had something figured out for once. But now... I'm back where I started.

Is life really just a cyclical thing? Am I just going to keep making the same mistakes over and over? I sure as heck hope not...more so for everyone else's sake.

But if life is a vicious cycle, is there any hope?

I am holding out that there IS hope... I mean.. I have hope in Christ..and though I may be a mere jar of clay, He works through me..right? So I may have screwed up yet ANOTHER relationship somehow, but there's hope that ONE DAY I will figure it out. It's just not looking like that day will be today... or tomorrow...

intentions...definition 3a

Is it possible to have the best of intentions and still get screwed over somehow? Well yes, it is. Why? The same reason the church can be a whacked out place...the same reason there are creepy people in the world doing mean things...because we are human.

Though I may feel that I have/had the best of intentions with someone, it has been brought to my attention that they can take it in a completely different way. Dang it..I thought I actually had something figured out for once. But now... I'm back where I started.

Is life really just a cyclical thing? Am I just going to keep making the same mistakes over and over? I sure as heck hope not...more so for everyone else's sake.

But if life is a vicious cycle, is there any hope?

I am holding out that there IS hope... I mean.. I have hope in Christ..and though I may be a mere jar of clay, He works through me..right? So I may have screwed up yet ANOTHER relationship somehow, but there's hope that ONE DAY I will figure it out. It's just not looking like that day will be today... or tomorrow...


Another thought...total switch of pace. You ever see someone or maybe meet them and immediately think, "Man... I wanna be best friends with them."? I do..a lot. I have thinking that a lot lately. Maybe it's a hang over from Beach Reach, where it easily becomes "Meet as many people as you can so you can add more people to facebook than anyone else..." But let's take Clayton for example. (If you haven't heard about Clayton from Beach Reach, you should... ) I had to pleasure of meeting and talking with Clayton for a total of about 3 1/2 hours last week. He's from Kansas, which is a darn shame, because he is one of those people that make me think..."GAH!!! Why can't we be best friends?" Or like the Reza, from Colorado... or the guy that rides the skateboard thru campus.... Man.. I want to be BFF with all of them.

Now if you are one of my dear friends here in Nac, or even in G-town, don't get all twisted ( like Sam did when we had this conversation...) you are a blessing..for sure..and I am sure that if I didn't already know you, I would be thinking that WE TOO should be bff. Maybe it is just the mystery and excitement of these new people. Or maybe one day, we really will be BFF...