....for once
I found out today that I will be spending this summer in Minneapolis... WHICH I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT! When I got the email with the assignment, I screamed like a lil school girl and did a happy dance before running to tell Lindsay. Told the parentals...mom is stoked for me.. so thats good. Dad...not so much. But he did make a comment tonight that made me a little excited. I told him that once I graduate and have a real job, it wont be like I can come home in the summer anyways, to which he replied, "Who says thats gonna happen?" Naturally, I got defensive and said, "WHAT?! You dont think I will graduate?" "No, I know you will graduate.." "You are worried about me getting a 'real' job, right?" I asked. He confirmed...and by 'real job' he means teaching in the Dallas area. Looks like he might be starting to finally realize that I am NOT just going through a phase..that i REALLY DO want to go to the nations...
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Sunday, February 04, 2007
my minds-a-going
This week has been insane. One might say it has been a week from Hell. I have had my fair share of breakdowns over the past few days. But one thing that came from it, my mind is going full speed..
Like..do you think God can be absent from only one area of your life? I know there are numerous accounts in scripture where God is completely absent from a person's life. But I have yet to find an instance where God is alive and active in someone's life in all areas but one... So I find myself in this exact predicament and am beginning to lose hope. God is doing so many amazing things in most areas of my life. And I am so thankful for that. But in one, JUST ONE, I don't even feel like He hears me. Can that be true?
I wish I didn't care. Someone, please tell me that at times, you have this exact phrase run through your head, "Man, if I wasn't a Christian, I would definitly....." I have been thinking this alot lately..does that make me a bad person? This surpressed bitterness and anger has recently surfaced, only to make me more bitter and angry.
I am failing to see Christ in this. Scriptures have been pointed out that say things like "God only does this to those He loves," and "Discipline isnt pleasurable, but its worth it in the end."
Well I am tired of hearing that. I want someone to sit with me and say "You are right... this sucks.." I want someone to cry with me.. to hurt with me... to feel as awkward as I do at times. I guess its true that misery loves company. And it is only understandable that noone feels the need to join me in this not-so-pleasant endeavor. Oh well. I guess I will just have to wait "til it gets better."
Like..do you think God can be absent from only one area of your life? I know there are numerous accounts in scripture where God is completely absent from a person's life. But I have yet to find an instance where God is alive and active in someone's life in all areas but one... So I find myself in this exact predicament and am beginning to lose hope. God is doing so many amazing things in most areas of my life. And I am so thankful for that. But in one, JUST ONE, I don't even feel like He hears me. Can that be true?
I wish I didn't care. Someone, please tell me that at times, you have this exact phrase run through your head, "Man, if I wasn't a Christian, I would definitly....." I have been thinking this alot lately..does that make me a bad person? This surpressed bitterness and anger has recently surfaced, only to make me more bitter and angry.
I am failing to see Christ in this. Scriptures have been pointed out that say things like "God only does this to those He loves," and "Discipline isnt pleasurable, but its worth it in the end."
Well I am tired of hearing that. I want someone to sit with me and say "You are right... this sucks.." I want someone to cry with me.. to hurt with me... to feel as awkward as I do at times. I guess its true that misery loves company. And it is only understandable that noone feels the need to join me in this not-so-pleasant endeavor. Oh well. I guess I will just have to wait "til it gets better."
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