It is weird to think that this time tomorrow, I will be flying over Europe, preparing to land in Moldova, before driving to Tranistria.

I am growing more and more anxious with each day.

A family friend writes for the Garland Newspaper, and she decided to write an article about my trip to Moldova. She called today to "interview me." One question she asked continues to ring in my head. "What is your purpose for going, like, what ONE thing do you want to accomplish?" Maybe it was a bad sign...like that I am a "bad Christian" or something, but I was taken aback by this question. It wasn't that I couldnt believe she was asking that, it was I was clueless as to what my answer was. Why AM I going? I thought for a second and responded with a heartfelt answer. "I want to show the people of Tranistria/Moldova that there is hope. That they are not forgotten." I didn't mention Christ, and maybe that's why this question and my response continues to loom over me. Does that make me a bad person? In some people's eyes, probably. Let's be honest. There will probably be someone I know who picks up the newspaper and reads that article. They will be probably be sadly disappointed at my lack of "Christian-ese" in my response(s). But you know what? I am okay with that.

"Where is Transnistria?" I hear that a lot. Well..maybe this little map will help. It is currently 21 degrees there. I don't even know what 21 degrees feels like...but I will

As the day to leave draws nearer, I get more and more nervous. I mean, what if I leave every orphanage in tears, heartbroken about the conditions these kids live in. And my mom brought up a good point today... How am I going to adjust to coming back here? It's all going to be rushed when I get back, which makes me nervous. Pretty much, I fly in late Wednesday night, head back to Nac Thursday, to start student teaching on Friday. We'll see how that goes....

It's really weird to think that this time next week, I will be in route to Transnistria. I am so very nervous and extremely excited.

I really don't feel prepared at all. I know I am working with orphans... and I know I have done that kind of work before, but this is going to be so much different. The main thing that concerns me is the emotional burden that will be present everywhere. From what I understand, Transnistria is not the best place ever. I have been told by some that it is a "black hole," forgotten by most. And this is the place that made me willingly stand up and say "PICK ME! I'LL GO!"???

Lately I have been listening to a lot of music. I find it very therapeutic. It seems like so many times, there is an artist out there who has felt similar to what I have felt this semester. I often get fixated on a song or two...until it has no effect any longer. But lately, I have been listening to some Tara-Leigh Cobble, and one of her songs might as well have my name on it. It is actually a cover of a Rich Mullins songs...here it goes

"You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened by the hurt

Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said

Still I'm so scared I'm holding my breath
While You're up there just playing hard to get

You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then

Did You ever know loneliness
Did You ever know need
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on
And Your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat

Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You're up there just playing hard to get?

And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained

And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this somehow
All I really need to know

Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead
And we can not get free of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt blame and regret

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along I guess
It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get"