It's been just two months since Margaret passed away. It has been a really tough two months too. There have been a quite a few times that I have gone to hang out with the kids. Each time, I break down as I leave, knowing that they may never remember their mommy.

Today was worse than the other days though. My mom and I both took the day off. We went out to Flower Mound to take my grandmother (Margaret's mom) out to lunch. While we were at lunch, I asked her how the kids were doing. She said Gretchen, who is four, thinks Margaret is going to come home at some point. My Grandmother had to tell her that no, Mommy is living with Jesus now. Gretchen replied, "Well then I don't like Jesus."

Now, Grandmother says that Mommy lives in Heaven now.

It killed me.

When we got back to the house, we were playing with Gretchen. She went over to a table that had a lot of pictures on it. She was looking at a picture of Margaret and Jeremey. She said, "Let's go to the airport to get Mommy." I lost it. How do you explain to a four year old that her mommy is not coming home....that we won't be going to the airport to pick mommy up....???

When I go home to my parents, this is what I come home to....





















I have my bed from college in my room at my parents house. Its a twin day bed. When I go to bed at nihgt, I often go alone, which is quite lovely. But I wake up with both Luke and Belle in bed with me. I am smashed up against the wall while the two dogs are stretched out.

Something is wrong with that...

Now I don't necessarily believe everything Brian McLaren does, but I saw this today on his blog...and thought I'd share.

If you have driven around Dallas at all, it is very possible that you have seen a billboard like this. While I was home over the break, I saw a couple of these signs. A couple of weeks ago, I finally checked out the site. If you haven't been to www.iamsecond.com yet, then go...NOW. There are different people, well-known and common folk, that are simply telling their stories about when they realized that they are second and Christ is first. Check it out.

When you see a church that’s empty,
Though its doors are open wide,
It’s not the church that’s dying,
It’s the laymen who have died.

For it’s not by song or sermon
That the church’s work is done,
It is the laymen of our country
Who for God must carry on.

--W.A. Criswell

Happy New Year!

New Year's is always a time to reflect on the past year and look forward in expectancy for the upcoming year.

I went to a NYE party last night where I was asked to write down my new year's resolution. I think the last time I actually wrote down a resolution was in middle school. After returning to school from Christmas break, it seemed teachers always had us write a paper about our resolutions....lame.

Needless to say, I'm not sure I have given serious thought to a New Years resolution in a few years. I would throw random statement out when someone would ask about it, but knew all along I probably wouldn't keep whatever resolution I made up.

So I thought about it, and here's my resolution. It's one I would like to keep.

I want to be happy, genuinely happy. This past year, 2008, has probably been the hardest year of my life. My heart was shattered, which may arguably have been my own fault. I graduated and left a place that had been my home for four years. I spent four years developing friendships with people that within the matter of weeks faded away. I moved to a new, strange place and started over. I lost someone that was very dear to me. 2008 wasn't the greatest of years.

But I know that God has big things in store for 2009... I'm banking on it.