Clinging to Him

It's official... the lovely Katie McGowan confirmed it for me... I am experiencing culture shock.

I am terribly lonely up here. I can't seem to REALLY connect with anyone. People here are so completely different than they are back home. I mean, I knew I lived in the Bible Belt, but I guess I didn't realize what all that meant. It's not that it's bad up here, really. It's just so different than what I am used to. I spend most of my days all by myself, which gets old, quick. I have my own little adventures (which I will get to later), but by 10 o clock at night, I am in my closet of a room, lying in bed, bored out of my mind. Yesterday, we had absolutely NOTHING to do, so I called good ol Maribeth, who looked up a local library for me. She said the map said it was only two miles away. WRONG!! That stupid library was AN HOUR'S WALK AWAY!!! I walked all that way to spend a nice relaxing afternoon reading, and then of course, Wednesday is the day the library closes early. So I was only there for 2 hours before having to walk an hour back! Though I didn't think so at the time, I look now and it is comical. But I have realized, I REALLY gotta learn the transit system here. Shoot... this sista will ride the bus.

The only person I really talk to here is Tony (who is actually from Croatia, not Russia..whoops) He is at the coffee shop pretty much everyday. So I get quality interaction with someone for about an hour and a half a day...other than that... it's just me.

I am beginning to think that maybe this is a God thing that I am all alone. I mean, normally, I HATE being alone. I avoid it at all costs. I am sure there are all kinds of reasons as to why. And God knows that. So He put me in a situation where I am FORCED to be alone...where I am forced to sit and listen to Him, and cling to only Him.

Just last night, I was laying in bed, around 10:30, desperately trying to go to sleep. And I couldn't. Next thing I know, I am bawling my eyes out. (I am hoping the people who live in the rooms around me weren't home) I was so unbelievably frustrated...with always being alone, with having no direction, with simply not knowing what God is doing this summer. I opened up to Psalms and found relief in 25:16-18
Turn to me and be gracious to me, For I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses. Look upon my affliction and my trouble, And forgive all my sins.

I just prayed over that verse over and over. I think I eventually wore myself out that I passed out. But I woke up this morning with a renewed mind..a new spirit. I still have no direction, I am still all alone... But something is different.

P.S.
All you that like to tease me for reading so much will be happy to know that I have already read ALL of my books I brought with me. In just a week and a half, I have read 8 books...I am all out, which just adds to the frustration.