a little of this, a little of that

Found this picture on a blog entry from the Ooze back in February. This is an actual picture of the doors to a church. The only way to get in is to have someone let you in from the inside. Isn't that how a lot of churches act today?






On another note, I have been thinking lately, "I am not good enough." Now I have always had a pretty low self esteem. I have never been the first one to pipe up and say, "I am AMAZING at that, so let me do it." I don't know why....but self confidence has never been a strong point for me. It seems like for the last few months, I am constantly battling with the thought, "Man, I may claim to be a follower of Christ, but I STINK at it..." It seems like everyone else has it together... and I am stumbling along. To be honest, I don't think I have EVER thought that I had this whole "Jesus" thing down.... I have no clue what I am doing. I feel like I am always screwing up, both in my eyes and in God's. But is that how it is supposed to be? Surely, not.

accountability

So I have been thinking about accountability a lot lately. Accountability has many different forms within the church.

Of course, there is the one on one accountability that can be sometimes seen as discipleship. I personally, have never had a good experience with this. I have tried on numerous occasions with different people, but it has never really worked out. Don't ask me why it has never been successful for me... guess that's the way it was intended to be, right?

But what about accountability on what you believe? Like if I say that my faith involves some outlandish idea, should other believers not hold my accountable to this? Should they not say, HELLO!!! ? It seems that within the church, we have gotten maybe a little too open. We have leaders standing up and saying that their faith rests on things that are a little out there. When they are questioned about their beliefs, they put up the defense of, "Hey... I am just saying... This is just what I believe...Noone else has to..." But is that okay?

This is just a bit of what I have been wrestling with lately. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Minneapolis..in a few short days?

That's right folks..I will be off to Minneapolis in less than a week...sorta


Here's my address while I am up there....
Miss Ashlee Stricklin
PO Box 14249
Minneapolis, MN 55414

keep it real

sad day

So I came to a stark realization the other day. I really am a poor college student.

I was home alone one evening (there's no telling where Lindsay and Kacey were). I got up and trudged to the kitchen, praying that a quality dinner option would appear before my eyes. With a mere twenty three cents to my name and minimum possibilities for dinner, I was expecting to have to eat rice, which is what I had eaten for the past week. As I opened the cabinet, I got a brilliant idea. What looked like another bland dinner, turned into quite a feast. I busted out some Mexican rice, ranch-style beans, tortillas, and diced tomatoes for my own entree de la everything. I laid out my options on the coffee table and made some mix of dinner. I gotta say, it wasn't terrible, until my lovely roommate Lindsay walked in and made fun of me for one heck of a meal.

Reminded me of this one time, when I was younger. I had a brilliant idea to make spaghetti, but my own way. I made some raman noodled and mixed in a can of diced tomatoes. It was the most disgusting I had ever made, to say the least.

So yes, I really am a sad, poor college student

Married with children

I am not married...big shock there, right? Don't see it happening anytime soon either, which is totally fine with me, but it really seems to bother others.

Yesterday, I was at my home church talking with someone I really respect, just the usual catch-up on life. Of course, he asked what many people are asking lately, which is what am I going to do after I graduate. I told him of some of my dreams, including the Peace Corps, teaching in Uganda, or who knows what else.

Now this is what kills me. When I told him about what I want to do with my life, he replied by saying, "Now Ashlee, you have to think about marriage. I mean, if you want to get married, it will probably have to happen in the next five years. And when you get married, that is going to change all of your plans. Like, what if he wants to work at a bank in Dallas? You will have to settle on some of your dreams."

I was floored. Why is it that even within the church, marriage is the pinnacle of life? Shouldn't the emphasis be put on finding your self complete in Christ, not in a spouse?

I responded to this comment by telling him that I am perfectly okay with the possibility of not getting married. And if, by chance, it is in God's plan for me to get married, it will happen whereever I am, be it Uganda or Dallas. Besides, shouldn't by possible husband and I share the same passions?

When it rains, it pours

No joke...lately, life has been a little less than desirable. Problems just continue to surface with very few of them actually getting resolved.

But I have decided (after reading Katy Reed's blog, which I think you should do) that I am going to be a little more optimistic about life. How can that hurt? I dont know if I will go about it with the whole purple bracelet approach... but either way, it will get done. I realized after talking to some of my students the other day that my life, no matter how many problems pop up, is not as bad as I can make it out to be. The world really is not a hell-hole, contrary to what many believers may think. Granted, it's no heaven-on-earth...but it's really not terrible. So I am going to live it up...optimism in hand.

With that being said, Minneapolis is in eighteen days. And I am starting to get nervous. I know it's what I am supposed to do and all. But I don't really know WHAT I am doing. I am hoping to get more info this week. Like where I will be staying...that would be a nice piece of info.

less than a month?

It is crazy to think that in a month, I will be in Minneapolis.

I did not realize how soon it was until someone else brought it to my attention. Now, all of the sudden, the excitement and fear are beginning to collide within me.

I know this summer will be one of the most amazing summers of my life. God is going to do amazing things both in me and through me.

But I am scared... as hell. I think this may be the first time I am admitting it...(how genius is it to admit it online?) But I am. I am nervous about many things. Like WHAT THE HECK WILL I BE DOING?!? Not quite sure yet?! Or how well will I get along with the two guys on my team? Or how will I deal with being away from everything and everyone I know for ten weeks? And more importantly, how will my parents deal with it?

I anticipate for things to be different when I return. As always, the start of a new year will do its usual and force relationships to change, grow, and die out. But how much will I when I return? And how much of what I know and am comfortable with, how much will that change?

I guess only time will tell. Until then...