I am going to take a brief break from my posts of "thankfulness" to give a bit of a progress report on my life thus far.

It has been a month since I have left the BSM (read "one month without a job"), a little over two weeks of living at home, and not much closer to figuring out what is next.

I feel like a vagabond in so many ways, wandering from place to place, without a permanent home. I can't help but wonder if I will EVER "settle down." But then I am reminded of Philippians 3:20, which says that my citizenship is in Heaven. Maybe the Lord knows how tempted I am to put down roots here on this earth, which is why He seems to always be uprooting me.

I feel behind. Like everyone else my age is further ahead in life. They have a stable, long-term job, a serious relationship, heck, even a place of their own. But me? I am trying to figure out what the heck I am supposed to do, where I'm supposed to be, how I'm supposed to take care of my responsibilities. Because let me tell you, I could answer questions for Cha Cha all day and still not make enough to pay my car note!

So no. I don't know what is next. And asking me every day is not going to quicken the process. In fact, it just frustrates me, making me feel like more of a failure. I have applied for many jobs, but for every job application sent out, I have spent hours on my knees.

I think my number one fear is this time of transition uncertainty is not that I will be a failure, or that I won't find a job, or even that I will end up living at home for the rest of my life. My fear is that I will, out of my own selfish desires, veer of the path God has set ahead for me. I ONLY want to do what will bring the most glory and honor to Him.