I wonder

One of the blogs I follow, Ragamuffin Soul posted something amazing the other day...and I thought I'd share

I wonder.
I wonder how many people, if we actually asked them, keep coming back to our churches because of our stellar Sunday productions.
I wonder if we ask the right people.
I wonder if we stopped, for a while, if people would keep coming.
I wonder if we turned off the lights and pulled the band if more people would come or go.
I wonder if we flipped the teaching time and music time, if it would matter.
I wonder if first time visitors are more concerned with what happens outside the auditorium than what happens inside it.
I wonder if the things we’ve rebelled against are the exact things we’ve become.
I wonder if church buildings will ever be used more than 2% a week.
I wonder if there has been more energy put into our Easter weekend services than our neighbors on the left and right.

I wonder with all the talk of social justice, why those friends keep walking by homeless people without even a smile.
I wonder when we will stop arguing about how to run the church and begin to start running our families.
I wonder how disrespected my dad feels by my generation of preachers saying his way is the wrong way.
I wonder how disrespected my generation of preachers will feel when our kids say our way is the wrong way.
I wonder when chenis envy will be replaced with prayer for others to succeed.
I wonder if churches without buildings will ever realize how good they have it.
I wonder when church planting became an industry.
I wonder if we know that our opinions are just that, opinions.
I wonder if those who say my church is an inch deep and a mile wide know that they would actually drown in the inch we provide.

Thankful Thursday (a day late)

I know I am over a day late from posting my Thankful Thursday post of the week...but better late than never, right??

I am so thankful for my church, FBC Sulphur Springs. It is definitely the biggest church I have been a part of. And the first two weeks were not ideal (noone spoke to me...not in SS or in worship). But I tried one more week, and have loved it ever since. I have gotten connected with some amazing families, which I will be eternally thankful for. FBC SS is a big family-oriented church. And when you don't have a family to sit with in worship, it can get kinda awkward, but there are some families that always look out for me and invite me to just jump on in with their family.

And then today, I was so encouraged. I heard that some people from church were roofing a house, so I jumped on board with it. We got out there this afternoon, and there were men and women who had TAKEN OFF WORK to VOLUNTEER to take down and put up a roof for a guy that really needs it. It was incredible.

So all in all..I am thankful for my church.

While I'm Waiting....

So the last month has brought some uncertainty as far as my future goes. I found out a couple of weeks ago that the state convention has cut it's budget and though my original plan was to stay in Commerce for another year, I am basically out of a job at the end of May.

Dang it.

And I felt like I was finally getting in the groove of things. I was finally comfortable. And God just yanks the rug right out from under me.

There are a couple of options...

1. We have sent out support letters, with the hope of raising financial support so I can stick around another year.

2. I have my teaching certificate and have started applying for teaching jobs. I am applying in the Dallas area, but also around the Commerce/Sulphur Springs area. In a perfect world (that involves teaching), I would love to stay around here. I LOVE the people I have met here. I would really miss one-on-one discipleship with some of the students. And I REALLY LOVE my church.

so thats whats up... i'd appreciate any prayers you could spare...

Thankful Thursday

So a few other blogs I follow post something they are thankful for on Thursdays. I thought I'd follow their lead.

Today, I am reminded that I should be thankful that I live in America in 2009. In case you were unaware, I am a pretty independent, self-sufficient person. I don't really like people telling me what to do and I DEFINITELY am not a fan of someone telling me what/how to think. Over the past few weeks, I have read so much on different topics. I try to always look into all sides of any topic, hoping to form my opinion on my own. I am very thankful that I live in a place and time where that's the norm. I don't have to believe something simply because someone tells me to. In fact, I am EXPECTED to take what they say and form my own opinion after looking further into it.

Hooray for that.

Beach Reach was last week...more on that later.

I'm talking to a friend now, a friend from SFA. Dear ol' Lauren Radtke, oh how I love thee haven't actually seen the girl since..... MAY?!?!?!? But she is still one of my dearest friends. Even when she was studying in Costa Rica for the summer, then Argentina in the fall, we still made a point to keep in touch. Now THAT'S a friend.

I remember when I first met Rad....at Burger Bash my junior year at SFA. It was her first week at SFA as a freshmen. She came to the BSM Burger Bash and we connected pretty well. We ended up becoming pretty good friends over the next year. Her sophomore year, my senior year, we led a small group Bible study together.

Honestly, I don't know what I would have done without Radtke during those last months at SFA. It seemed that all of my other friendships that I had built up over the past four years had already fizzled out. But she didn't. I was a wreck most of the time during that last semester. But she still loved me and was my friend, a true friend. I don't know how many times I called her, crying about the hurt or pain caused by relationships, and she would calm me down then make me laugh with an inappropriate joke! :)

It's funny how some friendships fade. You can continue to put effort into them, but if it's not meant to be, it will simply fade out. But not with Radtke. I know some friends are meant to be in your life for a short season, but after talking to Radtke tonight, I am sure that she is one that will stick around. Heck, she has stuck around this long.... may as well stick around a little more.

It's so weird

Today marked the end of 17 years. Today, A&B Tire closed it's doors for the last time.

It's crazy to think that the place my dad has worked so hard to build and keep up for the last seventeen years is no more. But with the downfall of the economy, this is a decision that is long overdue.

So today, my mom and I took off and spent the day in Greenville with my dad. We took down and packed up all personal momentos. We loaded up the plaques and pictures. But really, we reminisced.

I feel like that place was so much of my childhood. I remember when he first opened the business and Bubba and I would go down the Greenville so we could shoot commercials. We used to ride the car lifts up and down, up and down, up and down. We never grew tired of it. We used to LOVE to open up the vending machine and coke machine to get a snack out. I would go to work with dad and my job was putting orders into the computer. I also LOVED to wash the blue off the white wall tires. Bubba would go out and do service calls on the road. The highlight of our day with dad would be when the "roach coach" came and dad would buy us something terrible, yet delicious.

I hated driving away from A&B Tire for the last time. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what my family needs to do. I am looking forward to getting my dad back...not the stressed out, grumpy, overwhelmed guy that's been at home for the past few years.

And just for the record....I thought about riding the car lift one more time...but didnt.

This was posted on another blog I read...and I thought it was definitely worth sharing.



I saw something very touching last night.
Or maybe heartbreaking is a better word.

As I was going down into the chilly subway station to wait for the train, a man was standing on the platform close to the wall.

From my quick peripheral observation (which I sadly have mastered since living here) I could tell he was, or looked, homeless or very poor.

The assumption seemed to be confirmed when I heard him mumbling something to people as they passed by him.

To each person he mumbled the same phrase.

I couldn't tell what he was saying, which probably meant (I thought) he was drunk or a little crazy and wasn't saying anything intelligible at all.

This assessment happened in about 2 seconds time as I approached him, seeing the person in front of me pass on by, not even glancing his way.

I passed by, not even glancing his way.

I felt a pang of guilt. (Guilt or the Holy Spirit convicting me?)

I heard a man's voice behind me say kindly,
"What is it you need, Sir?"

I turned around and saw the whole scene.

The man who didn't pass by was a business-looking man... clean cut, long nice dress coat.

Again, the man mumbled his line.
The man who didn't pass by asked him to repeat himself because he couldn't understand.

Finally he heard, and I heard, what the man what saying...
"Would you mind doing me a small favor?"

"Sure, what can I do for you?"
(He was just as uncomfortable as the rest of us would have been in the same situation. You could tell he was painfully aware of all the others on the platform staring at the scene, and aware of the potential hazards in stopping... but he stayed)

"Sir, would you mind zipping up my jacket? I'm crippled and can't do it on my own."

Immediately his handicap became obvious... a shriveled hand and forearm stuck up against his chest.

The man who didn't pass by proceeded to move in close... as close as you would have to be to zip someone's jacket zipper.
That's a pretty intimate process... way beyond the boundaries of personal space... it's something parents do for their small children who are not yet able.
He fumbled for a few seconds with the zipper on the man's dirty maroon jacket, and proceeded to zip it up. There they stood, face to face.

The crippled man was obviously touched, saying, "Thank you so much, Sir, thank you so much."

The train pulled up.
I stepped in the same car as the man who didn't pass by, and I could hear the crippled man yell again, "Thank you so much, Sir!"

As we pulled away from the station, we saw through the window the crippled man still standing where he had been.

I looked over and saw (what looked like) tears in the eyes of the man who didn't pass by.
I said to him, "That was really amazing what you just did."

He looked down sadly, shook his head, and sincerely said,"No, it really wasn't. I could have done so much more."

Yes, I guess he could have.
But he did so much more than any of the rest of us were willing to do.

And in his small gesture he gave something invaluable back to this man... his humanity.

He said to him, "Yes, I hear you speaking, and I care enough to stop... and to be patient and listen to what you have to say, even when it is so uncomfortable, and to put my fears aside in order to meet a need you have... in order to LOVE you. And I do this because it is what Jesus has done for me, and what He has done for you."

This beautiful, heartbreaking picture reminded me of what Jesus said about loving.

I praise the Lord today for people like this man- my husband- and pray that I would love Jesus so much that I would not pass by.

Happy Birthday Bubba...from some international students!

Last semester, Praveen, Aravind, and Yoshi met Bubba, when Bubba was in town to visit me one weekend. We all hung out one night...

... as the three of them walked into the BSM today for free lunch, they "reminded me" that today is Bubba's birthday. (I guess they saw it on Facebook) I got a brilliant idea to make a video for Bubba featuring my international friends. I thought I'd share with you too.

Time to get honest...

So I was home for a couple of days to celebrate Bubba's birthday (more on that later). I told my mom yesterday that we needed to call Jeremey today (Valentines) to see how he and the kids are doing. We got kinda busy and never did.

After birthday celebrations wrapped up tonight, I packed up the good ol' Explorer and headed back to Commerce. As I was driving, I started thinking about Jeremey and the kids. I ended up texting Jeremey to let him know that I was thinking about him and the kids. I had to text him on Margaret's phone though, since that's the phone he is using now. It was weird to see that I was sending a text to her phone, knowing that it's not actually going to her.

And the waterworks turned on. As I drove down 30, I started wondering if he would get the text..and what he would be doing as he got the text....and would he text back? I figured Gretchen and Barton were probably already in bed, so he was just sitting up enjoying the peace and quiet. But was it peaceful for him...spending his first Valentines WITHOUT the love of his life? I can't imagine what that must be like.

Then I started thinking...will I EVER BE OKAY WITH THIS? I mean...really.... I probably break down at least once or twice a week since Margaret has passed away. Every time I think about the kids growing up without their mom, I get a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I just don't see how God could do that. I feel like He was on vacation that day...as if that was the ONE DAY that He stepped off the throne. Of course I know this is not true....but it sure feels like it. When I get honest with myself, my heart is asking "How could a loving God STEAL an amazing, loving mother from two YOUNG kids who may never remember their mom?" I hate to admit it, but there are times that I think, "Aren't there plenty of other people who could have died that day instead of her?" It's just not fair.... And yes I know life is not fair...

....but how do I explain that to Gretchen, the four year old darling of a little girl who still thinks mommy is coming home? How do I tell her that Mommy went to go live with Jesus without her thinking that Jesus isn't a good guy? Because that's what happened.... Gretchen was told that Mommy went to live with Jesus and she replied with, "Well then I don't like Jesus..."

It's not fair... and I don't like it..... and I'm pretty angry with God about the whole thing...

Ever since coming to Commerce, the sororities have been on my heart. The sorority houses are just right across the street from the BSM. However, we do not intentionally reach out to them in any way. It has been something I have praying about since early August.
At the end of last semester, I met Heather, a Kappa Delta who occasionally comes to the BSM. She had been praying about doing a small group for the girls in her sorority house. Well doesn't God work things out?
After a lot of running around trying to figure out the details and such, the small group for the sorority girls will be starting this Wednesday. I'm pretty excited about it. We will be going through Bad Girls of the Bible. I know that this is something that God has orchestrated, but I don't want to be too haughty about it. I'm still leaning completely on him for him to come through on this. There's no way I can lead a small group effectively without Him. I am praying that He will be so present this Wednesday that the girls that come will have to go home and tell the other girls in their sorority about the small group.
So if you think about it, pray for the our small group on Wednesday at 8:30.

A new obsession

In case I haven't told you yet, my newest obsession is craft blogs. I am subscribed to WAY TOO MANY blogs kept by stay-at-home mom's that make all this cute stuff for their house. Well, I tried to make some stuff myself...and I thought I'd share my mere attempts.









I bought this plate AND the stand at the dollar store. I simply wrote a verse on it and now it's on the bar!








This candle stand was at Goodwill for two bucks. It was really dirty, with wax caked on all over. But with some cleaning and a couple coats of spray paint, it looks brand new!



I got these four glasses at a thrift store too. I cleaned them up and added some blue and brown marbles, and now I LOVE THEM!










I still can't decide if I like this or not. I bought a round styrofoam thing (no, I don't know the technical terms) at the dollar store. Then I went to Wal-Mart for fabric. LUCKY FOR ME, the Wal-Mart here in Commerce is getting rid of their fabric center, so it was all 70% OFF!! Now, this is hanging on my front door.

Being Sick is NO FUN!

Thursday night, I my throat started hurting...didn't think much about it. Kept getting worse and worse throughout the weekend. Monday morning, I waved my white flag and made a doctor's appointment. His verdict...a bad case of strep and a sinus infection. I am now in quarantine. I woke up this morning feeling worse than yesterday. I switch between my bed and the couch. I have watched at least four movies...

I lead such an exciting life.

It's been just two months since Margaret passed away. It has been a really tough two months too. There have been a quite a few times that I have gone to hang out with the kids. Each time, I break down as I leave, knowing that they may never remember their mommy.

Today was worse than the other days though. My mom and I both took the day off. We went out to Flower Mound to take my grandmother (Margaret's mom) out to lunch. While we were at lunch, I asked her how the kids were doing. She said Gretchen, who is four, thinks Margaret is going to come home at some point. My Grandmother had to tell her that no, Mommy is living with Jesus now. Gretchen replied, "Well then I don't like Jesus."

Now, Grandmother says that Mommy lives in Heaven now.

It killed me.

When we got back to the house, we were playing with Gretchen. She went over to a table that had a lot of pictures on it. She was looking at a picture of Margaret and Jeremey. She said, "Let's go to the airport to get Mommy." I lost it. How do you explain to a four year old that her mommy is not coming home....that we won't be going to the airport to pick mommy up....???

When I go home to my parents, this is what I come home to....





















I have my bed from college in my room at my parents house. Its a twin day bed. When I go to bed at nihgt, I often go alone, which is quite lovely. But I wake up with both Luke and Belle in bed with me. I am smashed up against the wall while the two dogs are stretched out.

Something is wrong with that...

Now I don't necessarily believe everything Brian McLaren does, but I saw this today on his blog...and thought I'd share.

If you have driven around Dallas at all, it is very possible that you have seen a billboard like this. While I was home over the break, I saw a couple of these signs. A couple of weeks ago, I finally checked out the site. If you haven't been to www.iamsecond.com yet, then go...NOW. There are different people, well-known and common folk, that are simply telling their stories about when they realized that they are second and Christ is first. Check it out.

When you see a church that’s empty,
Though its doors are open wide,
It’s not the church that’s dying,
It’s the laymen who have died.

For it’s not by song or sermon
That the church’s work is done,
It is the laymen of our country
Who for God must carry on.

--W.A. Criswell

Happy New Year!

New Year's is always a time to reflect on the past year and look forward in expectancy for the upcoming year.

I went to a NYE party last night where I was asked to write down my new year's resolution. I think the last time I actually wrote down a resolution was in middle school. After returning to school from Christmas break, it seemed teachers always had us write a paper about our resolutions....lame.

Needless to say, I'm not sure I have given serious thought to a New Years resolution in a few years. I would throw random statement out when someone would ask about it, but knew all along I probably wouldn't keep whatever resolution I made up.

So I thought about it, and here's my resolution. It's one I would like to keep.

I want to be happy, genuinely happy. This past year, 2008, has probably been the hardest year of my life. My heart was shattered, which may arguably have been my own fault. I graduated and left a place that had been my home for four years. I spent four years developing friendships with people that within the matter of weeks faded away. I moved to a new, strange place and started over. I lost someone that was very dear to me. 2008 wasn't the greatest of years.

But I know that God has big things in store for 2009... I'm banking on it.

I can't believe the semester is already over. I have been in Commerce for a mere five months, but there are some days that I feel like I have been here forever. Of course, there are other days that I feel like I have been here two days.

This semester has been a tough one. It's hard to move off to a place where you don't know a soul and start all over. Mix in the fact that your WHOLE LIFE is supposed to be about ministering to people. I think I fell on my face. A lot.

But I learned a lot too. I learned that ministry is hard....really hard. And I have to love people not out of obligation, but because Jesus loves them. I learned that true friends will be there for you, no matter how many miles away they live. I learned that being an adult is hard, but I can do it. I also learned that a pre-written budget makes things go a lot easier.

I am looking forward to God doing some major things next semester. I will be leading a small group in the sorority houses, which I am continuing to pray about. I know that this is something God laid on my heart and He has allowed it all to work out so far. I pray that girls will be drawn closer to Him through studying His word. I am also praying for a spiritual awakening amongst the believers on the campus of A&M Commerce, both in the BSM and outside. I pray that these students would be so excited about what Jesus is doing in their lives, that they couldn't help but to talk about it.