I MADE IT!

I made it thru my first "real" week as an intern. There were times that I thought the week would never end. It seemed like we had event after event after event.

I am still working on getting to know everybody. At times, I found myself getting jealous of people who are interning at the campus they graduated from. They already know everybody. There were many times this week when someone would wonder into the BSM or up to me at an event. I would introduce myself and start telling them a bit about whats going on at the BSM, and they would look back at me like I was an idiot and say, "I know. I come here all the time." SHOOT!

I was feeling a little discouraged by the end of the week. I was really struggling with my purpose here...but I met someone at Overflow on Thursday night that really lifted my spirits. Afterwards, we were cleaning everything up and there was still some students just hanging out. Koji was standing off by himself, so I went up and introduced myself to him. He told me that he had graduated from A&M Commerce last May and was simply back for a visit. We began talking about him being an international student from Japan. His story is amazing....

Koji first came to Texas from Japan four years ago. He was at Trinity Valley Community College in Athens....a happening place. There, he had a few friends that would occassionally invite him to the free lunch at the BSM. He went, only to leave frustrated with all the "Christian stuff." One day, he was in the library, when another student from the BSM just walked by and said hello to him. He claims to have not known the girl, but felt like there was simply something different about her. Later that week, he wondered into the BSM for another lunch. A few weeks later, the BSM director told him about a group of Asian students from DBU that were getting together for a fellowship. He decided to join them, in hopes of asking some hard questions. And he did just that. After leaving that night, he wrestled for a while about what God had planted in his heart. He later went to meet with the director of the BSM at TVCC, where he prayed to invite Christ in his life.


And now....just THREE YEARS LATER.... he is in seminary. I was dumbfounded. Here was this guy, who was SO PUMPED UP about his Savior. He has been on many short-term mission trips, and is now studying to be a church planter or missionary. I want to be like Koji.

Its been a crazy week... more to come later.

But until then...check this out. I saw it on BBC News and thought it was worth sharing.

Joel owes me some money

It all started on August 6th, when Joel uploaded a certain video to his blog. (So before you watch my video, I BEG for you to watch the video on his. Otherwise, I fear what you will think about my video as a stand-alone)

So I watched the video on his blog, and my first thought was " OH MY GOSH!! That girl is a ME when I was little...we are ONE IN THE SAME!" I was not the only one to have that reaction once watching the video. I have talked to others who also think that this little girl is me reincarnated.

I couldn't let this 10 year old show me up. So here you go....

I just got back from a Campus Missionary/Intern retreat. I was a little nervous going into it. But I really did have a great time. I met some awesome people that are serving on campuses all over Texas. It was so (not to sound corny) inspiring to hear their hearts for college students. It also helped with the whole "lonely" factor. Meeting people who are kinda in the same boat as me was refreshing. It's good to know I am not alone.

We also got so many different resources. I am so stoked for this semester now.

Cribs: Commerce Style

Well, kids... I have survived my first week in Commerce. Can't say it was the most exciting weeks of my life. I still only know maybe...two people. Therefore, my weekend was pretty bland. I watched a total of five rented movies... and I'm pretty much okay with that.

Man..but visiting a church all by yourself is a new kind of lonesome. I visited one this morning... and I'm pretty sure they could have cared less that I was there. Not one person talked to me...even in Sunday school! But, I am going to try to give them the benefit of the doubt and say they were having an "off" day...so I will give it another try. I did visit another church tonight that I enjoyed. It is a brand new church plant here in Commerce. A lot of young people, but some families as well. They seem to be a tight knit community...which I'm down for.

Brittany came to visit me last Thursday...which was SO EXCITING!!! I dont know if I have ever been so excited to see her. I was getting a little lonesome, so she was JUST what I needed. We even filmed our own version of "Cribs." I am hoping to post it tomorrow, once I get internet at the apt.

Well... I think I hear another movie calling my name...

..until next time..

Howdy...from Commerce!

Well.... its day two on the job. I moved down here on Sunday. I love my apartment...though its weird to live by myself. I keep waiting for Lindsay to walk in the door so we can make plans about the next Gilmore Girls we will watch. Maybe once I get the boxes cleared away, I will post some pics.
I got the pleasure of going to an associational meeting last night. Not too bad.
I am looking forward to meeting more students. I have spent the last day and a half working on my office...you know...putting stuff on the walls, filling the bookshelves...that kind of stuff. Classes dont start til the 25th. I hope I get more to do before then.

I wish I was a black woman...

If you know me at all, you would know that I am slightly in love with Tyler Perry. Madea is my hero. I recently read Tyler Perry's book "Don't Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings." I loved it. All of it. Because put bluntly, I love black people. I love their culture, their humor, all of it.

As I was reading, "Madea" (Tyler Perry) makes an AMAZING point about friendships. Seeing as how this is an issue I have been worried about/struggling with... I thought I'd share:

"Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season. You have to know which is which. I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. They are just unstable. You can't count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree. What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It'll wither and die and blow away. There ain't no need to be praying over a leaf to be resurrected. When it's dead it's gone. Let it go. Some people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now and then. If you're grown, you know what I'm talking about, because you can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That's the leaf people. They come and take.

"Then there are people like a branch. You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life. So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you're going out on a limb, don't put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to grow up before it can hold all of the thigns you want to share with it.

"Finally, there are people who are like the roots at the bottom of the tree. If you find yourself two or three people in your entire lifetime that are like the roots, then you are blessed. The roots don't care nothing about being seen. All they're there to do is hold that tree up, to make sure it stays in the air. It comes from the earth to give that tree everything it needs. That's what relationships should be about. That's what you need, people who want to be in your life for the right reasons.

"If somebody wants to walk out of your life, you've got to LET THEM GO. When you learn to love yourself, you will end up giving standards to everbody around you. Again, I repeat for emphasis, if they don't meet those standards, you have to let them go, because they might be a leaf. And forgive them with all your might."


....ahh.... I love Madea

So I am officially obsessed with blogs. Google Reader is the most handy thing ever invented. With it, I subscribe to numerous blogs, but can read them all in one place.

One that I love to look at is boston.com/bigpicture. Check it out. This is my fave so far....




And I thought police on segways were kinda silly....

i love sports

i know its another video....but just watch it

steve harvey introduces jesus

the elephant in the room...

Graduation was merely two months ago. On the dot. And already, I have lost contact with 99% of my friends from SFA.

This has probably been because of a lack of effort on both sides. I gotta say though, there are somedays where I'm fine with how things have turned out. There are other days where it flat out STINKS.

It's days like I have had lately that can be rough when it comes to this whole "recently friend-less" season of my life. I've really been struggling during the past week, in a couple of ways. Simply put, I've been down. There have been a couple of things that I thought were pretty much dealt with that keep creeping back up. Can't say I'm a fan.

It's in those moments where I wish I could pick up the phone and call someone who was familar with the situation. The only thing worse that dealing with a problem is to have to explain how the problem started to someone before whining about the actual thing.

Of course I knew a time like this would come. I heard someone make a really good point once....Growing up, we always had "school friends." These were the people in grade school up to high school that were your friends at school, but not so much outside of school. Well when we go off to college, we may think that our days of having "school friends" are over. But maybe they aren't. Maybe instead of "school friends" clocking out at the end of each school day, they clock out at graduation. After all, when you are away at school, the "school friends" are all you have. You often don't have "real friends" to come home to at the end of the day.

It's just a thought.

And I dont say this to put down the amazing people I was close with over the past four years. I would not trade anything for everything each of them has done for me. And as much as my prideful self hates to admit it, there are times that I miss these people... a lot.

I am going to Commerce.

That being said...why does everyone constantly ask me "why?" Many people have asked why would I EVER want to go to Commerce when I had Minneapolis at my fingertips. Countless people ask WHY WOULD I EVEN THINK ABOUT starting a young adult ministry/small group at my home church when I am only here for the summer?

Get off my back.

Don't you think I have prayed and sought God out on this? Because I have. And I am confident on what He has be doing right now.

I would have LOVED to have gone to Minneapolis. It kills me that I am still turning down job offers up there. But a lot has come to head over the past month or so. I realized that in going to Minneapolis, I would be looking for an easy escape, simply running away. And I can't do that. Because I am tired of running.

a little update..


turned down the job in Minneapolis.

Went to Commerce on Friday to talk about a job there.

Freaked out.

Got another job offer in Minneapolis.

I'm not ready to make a big-girl decision.

Moving home has proven to be a lot harder than I thought. And I even knew coming into it that it wouldn't be easy.

To say the least, relationships have changed... all of them. A lot of them have fizzled out. It's only been a month since my days in Nac came to an end, and already, I think my phone bill wont be nearly as high.

Went to Nac this weekend... by far the worst mistake of my life. My heart was shattered, in more ways than one.

Turned down a job to Minneapolis... Never thought I'd say that.

My life is in a serious rut. I feel like everything has gone to pot...and has been for awhile. I have just been masking it all...I realized that going to Minneapolis would be running away from my problems, my aching heart. It sucks, no doubt..but it is what it is.

Did I mention that I also contribute to a community blog? It's usually quality stuff, written by quality people. You should check it out.

www.porchdiscourse.blogspot.com

my plan...or lack thereof

I a lot of possibilities right now...

There's the whole BSM intern thing... that would put me on a campus here in Texas...

There's Americorps in Boston... I have had some phone interviews with a few different agencies...

There's also Americorps in Minneapolis.... this was a recent add to the opportunity list. Something I have been praying about and finally got a "go" from God to pursue this..

so there it is... my opportunities.... still dont know whats next

The heart is a funny thing. It's a fragile thing. It's not a tough thing....at least not mine.

I drove around the other night. I find driving around late at night with the windows down and music blaring...to be a bit relaxing...therapeutic almost.

Anyways, I stopped at one point. Pulled over. Had a moment of closure. (maybe it was kinda creepy..) But I said what I needed to say, as if "they" were standing right there. After I said my peace, I turned the ignition, rolled down the windows, and blared some Miley Cyrus. I hadn't felt that good in a long time...





....until tonight. I felt like I took three GIANT steps back. And no, it wasn't that I made the conscious decision to go back. It was moreso thrust upon me. I won't lie. I broke me. There I was, getting upset over something that I SWORE would not get the best of me EVER AGAIN. I thought I had this handled. But then I was reminded of the state of the human heart...fragile. Then, I just got angry with myself for being upset, which only made me more upset. It's this evil cycle that comes with being a girl.

So where does that leave me now?

Ready to get the heck out of Nacogdoches!

A week of lasts

Well...I am now in my final week here in Nac. It's bittersweet, to say the least.

Last Thursday was my last Crave...ever. I haven't worshipped like that in a long time. At one point, I completely broke down. I went to a back room and fell to my knees. This is such an awkward time. My four years here is wrapping up. Friendships are fading out. It's all so weird. And it would be one thing if I knew what was coming next. But I don't. I have no idea. All I know is that a few hours after graduation, I will be back in Dallas. Who knows for how long? Or how short?

Looking back on this year, I think it is fair to say that is has been a little rough in terms of ministry. This has been my third year to be on "leadership" at the BSM. I think it has also been the toughest.

I am probably not alone in this overall reflection of the past year. In fact, I know I am not. There are a few people that have chosen to not return to a leadership role within the ministry simply because "this year did not go as they wanted." Dually noted.

But this is the time when the REAL leaders step up. Now is when people with true leadership abilities continue to fight for the ministry. If you don't like it, do something about it. Don't just jump ship.