While in Vienna, I had the most interesting opportunity I have EVER had to share about the grace that Christ offers.

Klaudia, our new friend who translated for us during the first week of camp, had my team over for dinner one evening towards the end of our stay in Austria. I knew a little of Klaudia's story, that she had grown up in the Catholic church (as most do in Austria). It was just a few years ago when someone explained to her what a relationship with Christ is about. Since then, she has turned her life over to the Lord. Her husband, Michael, was also raised in the Catholic church, but is still unsure about an actual relationship with Christ.

After dinner, we were sitting in their living room just chatting. Klaudia turned to me and said, "I have a question. I told Michael I would ask this."

I froze. I had no idea what it could possibly be. Questions and doubts about the Bible, Christ, Hell, and everything in between ran through my mind.

What came next was never expected.

"The death penalty... "

Wait... did she just bring up the death penalty?

I DEFINITELY wasn't prepared for this.

"In Europe, that may the most common idea of Texas, that you issue the death penalty. It has been outlawed here for quite some time. What do you think about it? How can a 'Christian' nation advocate this, especially in the 'Bible belt?"

WHOA...

I had to take a second and think about it. I didn't stop to contemplate my view on this touchy subject, but more so on who was listening. There was Klaudia, a well-educated woman fairly new in Christ. I had my team of five girls, all Texans (or close to it) who were, for the most part, just as shocked as I was at the topic. And there was also Michael, quietly listening in the back.

How can I say this without stepping on toes? I am completely confident that the Lord took over. I had an immediate peace and words just came.

I think I said something like this... "You are right in that most Texans support the death penalty. In fact, that is how I was raised. I am pretty sure that everyone else in my family still supports it. Heck, when I was a freshmen in college (in my naiveity) I did a speech in a class on the reasons to support the death penalty. But now, I do NOT support the death penalty."

You should have seen the looks on the faces of everyone in the room.

I continued. "It wasn't until just a couple of years ago that I really started to think about it. And it was only when it was put in my face and I was forced to read about it in the Scriptures and in various other books. You see, in Texas, we aren't taught that most other civilized countries have abolished this practice. I didn't know this until recently, when I found it for myself."

I proceeded to make the bold statement that it is my personal belief that if Jesus were here today, he wouldn't support the death penalty. I can't help but think of John 8, when the Pharisees and scribes brought a woman who was caught in adultery to Jesus. Jewish law said that this woman should be stoned to death. But Jesus replied with "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Jesus took a situation that CALLED FOR the death penalty and showed his grace.

I was able to share about what grace is, and how it has affected me.

I also had to admit that if it were my loved one that had been killed by a murderer, the thought would probably cross my mind that this person should be put on death row. But what good would that do? Would it really make me feel better knowing that another person has died? Would I be exuding the love and grace of Christ?

The evening wrapped up and we all went our seperate ways. But this instance keeps coming back to mind. I repeat my words (what I can remember) in my head over and over throughout the day. And I can't think of any part of it that the Lord wasn't a part of.

I pray that this plants a seed. Not just in Michael, as he continues searching, but in all that were there. I pray that we would all continue to search Scripture and hold it up to our lives, to see if we are truly living it out, or if we are just talking about it.

Where have the past two weeks gone? This time tomorrow, I will be a few hours away from touching down in Dallas!

This week was a rough one! To say the kids were different from last week would be a TOTAL understatement. I ended up having to enforce a 'special friend' rule. If they said an inappropriate word or repeatedly disobeyed, they became my special friend for a bit. I would find a chore or something for them to do while everyone else continued with the program. It worked pretty well until the last day, when they actually ENJOYED being my special friend...fail.

I would definitely say the highlight of the week was on Wednesday evening at Lobau Park. Don't get me wrong...it was pretty miserable for the most part. It was INSANELY hot and the mosquitos were the worst I have ever seen! The kids were whining and I can't blame them...we were too! After dinner, it started pouring. We huddled all the kids in a teepee with a fire in the middle. I rallied my team of girls together and told them to LOOK ALIVE! It obviously was not the ideal situation, but we have to pretend like this was the plan all along. We had no idea how long we would be in that cramped teepee, but we were going to act like it was the night of our lives. And I think at some point, at least for me, it started to become just that.

We sang silly songs, told (funny) scary stories, and had an on-the-spot talent show! (I would point at someone, telling them that they are 'up next!'

I felt like that was night that we really connected with the kids. It reminded me that God uses any situation to bring him glory.

So we leave tomorrow...which is sad! I have met some INCREDIBLE people here (more on that later).

WEEK 2!

Today we started week two of English camp in Vienna. I think it is safe to say that this week will be MUCH different from last week.

For starters, we have more older kids this week... a lot of 11 and 12 year olds. HORMONES ARE RAMPID! It is all about who likes who and who is cute. And they all are 'too cool' for the activities we have planned. No good. I was able to sit down with my team this afternoon to talk about re-vamping some of the activities to try to please the kids, so we will see how that goes. Pray for that if you don't mind...and patience too!

The Lord has really started to break my heart for the people of Vienna. I have befriended a wonderful woman here, Klaudia. After hearing her story over dinner (running sushi!), I was able to understand more about the Austrian culture and where Jesus fits in to it. It seems that many people here are raised Catholic. However, since the Austria is 'officially' a Catholic country, Catholics pay an additional tax. Therefore, many people grow up and realize this and turn away from the church and anything 'religious' based. Being Catholic is a part of the culture. No... claiming Catholicisim is part of the culture. But an actual relationship with Jesus Christ, unheard of. It breaks my heart. So I ask you to pray for the Austrian people. Pray that God would stir in their hearts and they would see their need for a Savior and Lord. Pray for the believers in Austria, that God would strengthen them and give them boldness to share with others.

WE MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST WEEK! I must admit, there were some points when I wondered how we were going to do it. But it was simply by the strength of God that we made it!

We start our second week of camp tomorrow. I am thinking that it will be much better. We should all be more confident about what we are doing.

There are so many things I would like to share. The main thing is I ask you to pray for opportunities to share this week. We have a lot of older kids, so I am hoping that the team finds it easy to connect with the kids and seize the opportunity laid before them.

Pray for our team. What an amazing team we are! But I think the honeymoon stage is fading. Irritability and tiredness are rearing their ugly heads.

The Lord has laid some pretty tough stuff on my heart lately, and I am still sorting through some of it. Maybe I will post about it later.... until then... I must get to bed so we can catch our early bus tomorrow!

We just finished our fourth day of the first week of camp. I can't believe we are almost half way done! It has been a crazy, stressful, but oh so fun week!

We have 22 kids this week, most from a not yet believing family. Though there is an obvious language barrier, we have had such a good time with them. Yesterday, we did a half day of 'regular' camp, then hiked 3 miles to a campsite. I helped lead a group of 7 yr olds. They were so funny! In order to encourage them on the hike, we pretended we were art thieves. There were clues along the way with pieces to our art piece. However, there were also 'police' that we out to catch the theives. At each stop, I would read the clue (in English) When I would say 'the next PIECE,' the little ones, not knowing much English, thought I said POLICE and they would drop to the ground, hoping to not be seen. It was hilarious.

All in all, it has been a great week. My team is working INCREDIBLY together. Keep praying for us. We are getting tired...Pray God gives us the energy to keep the kids busy all day! And pray for tomorrow night. We will be having a 'showcase,' allowing the parents to come and see what the kids have been up to all week. Pray for conversations with the parents about WHY we do this.

TOMORROW!! TOMORROW!!

I can't believe it... Tomorrow is the big day!! I have been planning like crazy for this for a long time...and IT'S FINALLY HERE!! I was running around like crazy tonight. To say I was stressed would be a total understatement! I knew the Austrian culture is one of structure. They like plans... to the smallest detail. Now I'm a planner, but on my own terms (if that makes any sense). Needless to say, I vented to my mom while she helped me pack (she's so amazing). I decided to take a break.

That was when I was reminded that God is in control. I checked my email to see if there were any last-minute updates from Ruth, our supervisor in Austria. She did, in fact, send me an email. I almost dreaded opening it, fearing that it would remind me of something I forgot, something else I needed to do, etc.

This is what her email said... word for word...
"In case you get worried a bit: the camp was never perfect. We all made mistakes. The Kids didn't mind. We just try to make the best out of it and watch how God is using it. And: we can't plan everything ahead. Sometimes we have to be flexible, adapt the program to the kids. So don't worry if you don't know all the details. We will go through the program on Sunday afternoon. Every day, after the kids leave, we sit together and evaluate the day and check if everything is ready for the next day. There is still time to solve problems."

Talk about a weight being lifted!! I was given a peace and calm heart immediately.

While I'm gone, pray for my team. They are an awesome group of girls.

Here we are at Orientation....

And this is Amber...the other member of out team. She couldn't make it to Orientation!

You may also want to pray for the family I will be staying. The team will be split between three houses. Me and Allison are staying with Ursula and Dieter. Here they are.

"Laughing With" Lyrics:

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God when they're starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God when the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one's laughing at God when it's gotten real late and their kid's not back from that party yet

No one laughs at God when their airplane starts to uncontrollably shake
No one's laughing at God when they see the one they love hand in hand with someone else and they hope that they're mistaken
No one laughs at God when the cops knock on their door and they say "We've got some bad new, sir,"
No one's laughing at God when there's a famine, fire or flood

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party while listening to a good God-themed joke or
Or when the crazies say he hates us and they get so red in the head you think that they're about to choke

God can be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus

God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
Ha ha

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God when they've lost all they got and they don't know what for

No one laughs at God on the day they realize that the last sight they'll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one's laughing at God when they're saying their goodbyes

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party while listening to a good God-themed joke or
Or when the crazies say he hates us and they get so red in the head you think that they're about to choke

God can be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus

God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war

No one's laughing at God in a hospital
No one's laughing at God in a war

No one's laughing at God when they're starving or freezing or so very poor

No one's laughing at God
No one's laughing at God
No one's laughing at God
We're all laughing with God

Laughing With by Regina Spektor from the album Far

Three days from now, I will be heading for Austria. I felt like this would never come. I am so excited to lead my first trip with Go Now! BUT IT'S A LOT OF WORK! I feel like I still have so many last minute details to take care of. I find myself going over the camp schedule with a fine-toothed comb multiple times a day. I have a great fear that we will get over there and I will have forgotten to do something.

I feel like I have to prove myself! I don't know know what I am trying to prove or who I am trying to prove it to!

But if you think about it, send up a quick prayer for me and my team.

Pray for health. I am pretty sure I have a sinus infection that has set up camp in my head. With a lack of a "real" job right now comes a lack of insurance. I am REALLY praying that this whole mess will clear up before I am stuck in a pressurized plane for a long period of time.

Pray for the girls on my team. They all seem SO AMAZING. I can't wait to get to know them more. Two of them have started their own blogs so they can keep others up to speed with what's going on in Austria. Ask the Lord to protect them over the next couple of weeks.

Pray for the children that will be coming to the English camp. Most of them do not have any sort of evangelical background. Though this is not a "Christian camp," we will be telling Bible stories everyday, as well as seeking opportunities to share the gospel.

Pray for the church that we will be working at. The people of the church seem to have such an incredible heart for the un-churched in their community. Pray that they would seize every opportunity to connect with families during camp.

Pray for the teenagers that are "volunteering" during camp. In reality, these are teenagers that have gone to the camp in the past, but are now too old for camp. Therefore, they CHOOSE to come back and WORK, because they like it THAT MUCH! I have a strong feeling in my heart that this is where we will see a lot of opportunities during camp.

I guess that's it for now!

It's funny how things work out.

Just yesterday, I was driving back to the good ol' Merce after being home for Father's Day Weekend. I had the windows down (still no AC) and some good tunes playing loud. And I thought to myself, "I'm pretty happy with my life right now."

A year ago, I would have never guessed that I would end up in Commerce, much less actually LIKE it in this area. And just a couple of months ago, I thought that was all going to change!

I know it's been a bit of a rough year, but life out here is pleasant. It's just a little slower...everyone knows everybody, so naturally, you wave to everyone as you are driving. I LOVE my church and the hearts of the people there. I love that a lot of people out here work on their dairy farms every morning before anything else. There's a strong importance put on families out here, which I love.

Question is...when it REALLY is time for me to go, next summer, will I want to stay?

Thankful Thursday

Missed me last week? I was in Colorado for high school camp, which was AMAZING! Maybe more on that later.

I am VERY thankful for Chicken Express sweet tea. It somehow makes everything better when I am in a bad mood. I'm pretty sure that it will be in Heaven....in abundance.

I am also very thankful for my mom, who is willing to call me FORTY-ONE times in one morning to make sure I get up in time to get to VBS!

I am reminded how thankful I am for air conditioning. I don't have AC in my car, and haven't in quite a while. I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to get it fixed. But it's rather frustrating. I often can't wait to get into a building, simply for it's AC.

Lastly, I am VERY thankful that I live by myself. I love that I can come home after a long day and take a nap if I want... Or I can spread out all my stuff for Austria all over my living room and leave it there for days until I come back to it.

Thankful Thursday

Today, I am reminded how thankful I am that I have a car. With all the crazy events that have taken place over the past week, I was at home yesterday on "phone patrol." I had to basically sit at home all day so I could answer the phone when someone called. Well, if you know me at all, I'm not much of a sitter. By the end of the day, I felt like I was on house arrest. I was so thankful when more of the fam came home and I was able to get out! I went to a dollar movie (by myself) just to get the heck out!

I'm also thankful for a best friend who I can spend all night sitting in Braum's with...just laughing and talking about life. While we were there tonight, she even mentioned "You know, we could be out at a bar, drinking. But instead, we are here at Braum's in our scrubs having a grand time." I concur Liz, I concur.

Lastly, today I am thankful that I have my own room at my parents house. Though I sometimes get frustrated when I come home because it looks more like my mom's closet than my bedroom, it IS still mine. It is still my safe place... a place where I can hunker down in when I just need some time by myself, whether it be for a nap, to read, or whatever.

If you know me at all, you know I'm pretty much obsessed with Jon and Kate plus 8. And just like most fans, I was pretty upset about all the scandal surrounding their marriage. However, I just read an article in Christianity Today written by Julie Elliott called "The Gospel and the Gosselins" that shed a whole new light on it. I think she makes some good points about Christian's love and hate for Jon and Kate and what that says about our faith.

If you have recently stood in line at the grocery store and glanced at the tabloid covers, chances are you have seen the faces of reality TV stars Jon and Kate Gosselin. Jon and Kate are stars of the wildly popular TLC show Jon & Kate Plus Eight, which documents the life of this Pennsylvania couple as they raise their eight children, 8-year-old twins and 5-year-old sextuplets. Until recently, Jon and Kate were celebrated as models of wholesome family values. Sure, they bickered a lot, but they were committed to staying together for the long haul. Indeed, last season featured them renewing their wedding vows on the beach in Hawaii. Such commitment endeared them to the watching public and made them TLC's most profitable commodity.

Of all the viewers who followed the Gosselins, evangelicals were among the most faithful. Jon and Kate's refusal to resort to "selective reduction" when they found themselves pregnant with sextuplets, their membership in an Assemblies of God church, and their Isaiah 40:31 T-shirts all helped to make them icons of evangelical piety. Churches from across the country clamored to be added to their speaking tours. In the last two years the vast majority of Jon and Kate's presentations took place at Christian conferences or at evangelical churches, most often Baptist, nondenominational or charismatic.

Zondervan, one of the foremost evangelical presses, published two books with the Gosselins, both of which hit the New York Times bestseller list. The popular tongue-in-cheek blog Stuff Christians Like listed "Watching Jon and Kate Plus 8" on its list of favored Christian products or activities. Evangelicals dependably tuned in to the television show as the family received free trips to posh resorts, when the couple underwent plastic surgery, and when they moved from a comfortable house in the suburbs to a sprawling estate in the country. If they noticed that Jon and Kate's family and friends—most notably Aunt Jodi and Beth—were, one by one, being estranged from the family (reportedly over financial disputes), it did not stop believers from looking to this couple for inspiration on how to be a good Christian family.

Then everything changed. Reports surfaced that Jon was out partying with co-eds and getting too friendly with a 23-year-old teacher. Shortly thereafter the tabloids claimed that Kate was having an affair with her bodyguard and that she had given Jon the go-ahead to see other women, as long as he showed up for filming. The truthfulness of all of these claims has yet to be established. But one thing is clear—the marriage is crumbling. In fact, on the season five premiere, which aired on Memorial Day, the couple expressed no love for one another and made no promises about being together in the future. Both appeared ready to file for divorce.

Viewers, and especially evangelical viewers, are aghast. How could such a loving, Christian family disintegrate so quickly? Is the failure of their marriage due to the stress of parenting multiples? Can it be attributed to Kate's love of celebrity versus Jon's desire to retreat from the limelight? Might it be the result of living under constant (albeit self-imposed) surveillance? I suspect that each of these theories tell part of the story. But the story that has not been told is the one that sees in Jon and Kate the shortcomings of evangelical piety itself.

We evangelicals tend to be easily impressed. We cheered on Jon and Kate's decision to carry all six babies to term but rarely considered the prior question: Was it right for them to undergo risky fertility treatments in the first place? They had been married only a matter of months when Kate, who was in her mid-20s at the time, took fertility medication to stimulate her ovaries for intrauterine insemination and became pregnant with their twins, Cara and Mady.

Only a few years later, Kate's ovaries were stimulated once again, but this time they were hyper-stimulated. Warned by their doctor during an ultrasound examination that the fertility medication had worked a little too well and that four mature follicles were present, Jon and Kate nonetheless went ahead with the insemination. Apparently their doctor had miscounted on that fateful day, because Kate soon discovered that she was pregnant with seven embryos (one of which miscarried a short time later). Six babies were growing in a space designed for one, posing great risks to the life of each baby as well as to the life of their mother. Faced with this unintended but preventable situation, Jon and Kate were right to carry all of the babies to term. But this decision is not enough to warrant their status as models of Christian faithfulness. That most evangelicals were satisfied to celebrate the end—six miraculous lives—rather than assess the morality of the means whereby those lives were created, betrays the thinness of evangelical reflection on reproductive ethics. Too often our ethics have focused so singularly on the question of abortion that we have given comparatively little attention to the morally-significant issues surrounding infertility, reproductive technology, childbirth, and parenting. As such, we have a hard time challenging the assumptions of our consumerist culture or those who, like Jon and Kate, seem to be beholden to it.

As fellow Christians, we should have reminded the Gosselins that life is a gift to be received in gratitude, not something to be grasped, purchased, or sold. In many ways, the last four seasons of Jon & Kate Plus Eight is the story of a family that seemed to progressively lose sight of this truth. Of course, they had help along the way from TLC, from the show's producers, and not least of all, from their Christian viewers.

When the first few episodes revealed the earning potential of this "everyday family," Jon & Kate Plus Eight became a brand name that was packaged and sold. And many Christians were happy to comply by opening up their wallets and their fellowship halls. When the network and the couple were not satisfied with the money generated through high ratings and book sales, the Gosselin home was filled with product placements and the children were filmed for long hours each week. All the while many (though not all) evangelicals watched with undiscerning eyes. Somewhere along the line we, like Jon and Kate, seemed to forget the warnings of 1 Timothy 6:9-10:

But those who want to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, and in their eagerness to be rich some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pains. (NRSV)

It was not until the recent allegations of sexual impropriety arose that a significant number of Christians began to question whether Jon and Kate were indeed the examples of faithful living that we had imagined. Somehow most of us missed the long trajectory that was, day by day, moving them farther from a life of Christian virtue. Sexual immorality—whether actual or merely suspected—caught our attention, but the materialism, narcissism, and exploitation of children that preceded it was largely overlooked.

As such, the breakdown of Jon and Kate's marriage is but a symptom of the larger weaknesses of ethics in the evangelical community. We are easily seduced by wealth and fame. We are easily contented by the shallow rhetoric of hot-button issues. In short, we are easily deceived by cultural values painted in Christian veneers (or clothed in Isaiah 40:31 T-shirts).

The hope for us—and the hope of Jon and Kate—is to turn once again to the rich, complex, and difficult ethics of Jesus and to let those ethics form us into a more discerning people in the world. It is time that we look for role models who value self-sacrifice over material gain. It is time that we practice forgiveness and the healing of broken relationships and call fellow Christians to do the same. It is time that we take our own marriage vows seriously and hold our brothers and sisters to be true to their commitments as well. Most importantly, it is time that we develop a view of faith and life that is capable of asking deep questions and courageous enough to embody real answers. Then, and only then, will Christians have something to offer the world and something to offer Jon & Kate Plus Eight.

Julie Vermeer Elliott is a faculty member at Eastern University, St. Davids, PA, where she teaches courses in Christian ethics and interdisciplinary studies and directs advising and first-year programs. She holds a master of theological studies degree from Duke Divinity School.

"Speaking Out" is Christianity Today's guest opinion column and (unlike an editorial) does not necessarily represent the opinion of the publication.

Found this on Bleecker's Blog ...it's worth reading


RELIGION: I obey-therefore I’m accepted.

THE GOSPEL: I’m accepted-therefore I obey.

RELIGION: Motivation is based on fear and insecurity.

THE GOSPEL: Motivation is based on grateful joy.

RELIGION: I obey God in order to get things from God.

THE GOSPEL: I obey God to get to God-to delight and resemble Him.

RELIGION: When circumstances in my life go wrong, I am angry at God or my self, since I believe, like Job’s friends that anyone who is good deserves a comfortable life.

THE GOSPEL: When circumstances in my life go wrong, I struggle but I know all my punishment fell on Jesus and that while he may allow this for my training, he will exercise his Fatherly love within my trial.

RELIGION: When I am criticized I am furious or devastated because it is critical that I think of myself as a ‘good person’. Threats to that self-image must be destroyed at all costs

THE GOSPEL: When I am criticized I struggle, but it is not critical for me to think of myself as a ‘good person.’ My identity is not built on my record or my performance but on God’s love for me in Christ. I can take criticism.

RELIGION: My prayer life consists largely of petition and it only heats up when I am in a time of need. My main purpose in prayer is control of the environment.

THE GOSPEL: My prayer life consists of generous stretches of praise and adoration. My main purpose is fellowship with Him.

RELIGION: My self-view swings between two poles. If and when I am living up to my standards, I feel confident, but then I am prone to be proud and unsympathetic to failing people. If and when I am not living up to standards, I feel insecure and inadequate. I’m not confident. I feel like a failure.

THE GOSPEL: My self-view is not based on a view of my self as a moral achiever. In Christ I am “simul iustus et peccator”—simultaneously sinful and yet accepted in Christ. I am so bad he had to die for me and I am so loved he was glad to die for me. This leads me to deeper and deeper humility and confidence at the same time. Neither swaggering nor sniveling.

RELIGION: My identity and self-worth are based mainly on how hard I work. Or how moral I am, and so I must look down on those I perceive as lazy or immoral. I disdain and feel superior to ‘the other.’

THE GOSPEL: My identity and self-worth are centered on the one who died for His enemies, who was excluded from the city for me. I am saved by sheer grace. So I can’t look down on those who believe or practice something different from me. Only by grace I am what I am. I’ve no inner need to win arguments.

RELIGION: Since I look to my own pedigree or performance for my spiritual acceptability, my heart manufactures idols. It may be my talents, my moral record, my personal discipline, my social status, etc. I absolutely have to have them so they serve as my main hope, meaning, happiness, security, and significance, whatever I may say I believe about God.

THE GOSPEL: I have many good things in my life—family, work, spiritual disciplines, etc. But none of these good things are ultimate things to me. None of them are things I absolutely have to have, so there is a limit to how much anxiety, bitterness, and despondency they can inflict on me when they are threatened and lost.

Thankful Thursday

It's times like this that I am glad for a cell phone. I am in the middle of a pretty big decision... one that I'm trying to seek wise counsel on. So I'm thankful for my handy lil' cell phone that allows me to call my mom NUMEROUS times a day, as well as calling Cheryl, Liz, and others on a daily basis..to see if the Lord has imparted any wisdom on them to pass along to me.

I am VERY thankful that this year, I have had the flexibility with work to take off when I need to. This year has been a rough one for my family, but my job at the BSM has been so flexible that I didn't have to think twice about taking off as needed when Margaret passed away or to help my parents close the shop. And now, with my job at my church, it's no big deal for me to take off (tomorrow) to work a memorial golf tournament for Margaret.

Lastly, today I reminded how thankful I am for Google reader. I am pretty much obsessed with blogs. (Maybe not so much with updating my own...) With Google Reader, I am able to go to ONE PLACE to catch up on all my blogs, instead of tracking each one down individually. I gotta say, Google, that was a brilliant idea.

Simplified Missional Living

* Eat with non-Christians
* Walk, don't drive ,around your neighborhood when possible.
* Be a "regular" at your local coffee shop, restaurant, market, hair cut, etc
* Hobby with non-Christians - find extra curriculars that you enjoy that you can do with all kinds of people
* Develop relationships with your co-workers and pray for them
* Volunteer with a non-profit once a month, and bring your family, friends and small group too!
* Instead of watching TV or playing XBOX, participate in city events, get in the mix
* Serve your neighbors - like weeding and fixing their cars.

Above all, strike-up conversations, be friendly, say "hi, my name's BLANK. What's your name?"

-- this was posted on the Catalyst blog...after they took it from the Resurgence blog

A blog I read, Straight Up, posted something I liked the other day... thought I'd share.

I Want the Whole Gospel

Every single ounce of truth; give it to me straight just like it is in the Bible.

I want the whole gospel:
Don’t dilute the living water—it might not quench my thirsty soul.

I want the whole gospel:
Turn on the light of Jesus Christ and don’t shield my view—I need every beam of His radiant glory to dispel the darkness in me.

I want the whole gospel:
Don’t block the door, or I might not get through.

I want the whole gospel:
I need an accurate map to the narrow road, because only a few are finding it.

I want the whole gospel:
Because I am wholly lost, God’s verdict is wholly just, and my damnation is wholly certain.
My heart is wholly depraved and my sin is wholly mine.
My efforts are wholly futile and my escapes are wholly hopeless.
I need a whole Savior, whose whole suffering, wholly satisfies a holy God.

Please, please don’t cut the corners. It’s appointed unto man once to die and I have to be sure I get it right.

I have to have the whole gospel—give it to me straight. Nothing else will do!

Yes…God help us, let’s give the whole gospel.

mothers day survey

I really love it when my mom scratches my back or plays with my hair.

My mom likes to make others feel loved.

My mom always tells me, "I'm proud of you and I love you very much!"

The best thing she does is listens to me when I am having a bad day.

It makes her happy when she and I get to hang out... like shop, or get Starbucks...whatever

My mom loves to relax by watching weird TV shows :)

I like it when I am home and she wakes me up by coming and sitting on my bed and rubbing my back

The best thing she cooks is green chile enchiladas, chicken tortilla soup,

When my mom shops she likes to buy shoes!!!!

My mom’s favorite household chore is cleaning the bathroom (it's not really her fave...but it's the one she is most anal about!)

My mom’s favorite TV show is Ghost Whisperer....

If she could go on a trip, she would go to the beach!

I love my mom because she is always there for me... shes the best mom ever!

Thankful Thursday

I skipped Thankful Thursday last week... I doubt you missed it that much too much

But no worries...I'm back now.

This Thursday, I would like to highlight to awesome guys that I am eternally thankful for. Jeremy McMahan and Joel Halpin. I am constantly reminded by people at my home church (SGBC) how lucky I am to have had these two men invest so much in me (and others) during the critical times of my teenage years.


Jeremy was there as I wrestled with the idea of handing my life over to Christ and letting Him be the Lord of my life. He helped me realize my need for the grace of Christ as I decided to accept the amazing gift He offered. He and his wife, Catherine, truly poured all of their lives into me and my friends. He encouraged me through some pretty dark times in my life. I am so very thankful for Jeremy.






Joel came to SGBC during my senior year in high school. I was actually on the search committee that brought him in! I am VERY thankful for the role that Joel has played in my life. Though I was only a part of his youth group for a year, it was a very critical year in my life. I had some big decisions to make, and he gave me wisdom and guidance during those periods. Even after I graduated and went off to school, he continued to play a large role in my spiritual life. I would call or email him with random questions, knowing that he wouldn't think I was stupid or silly, no matter how far out the question was. (This idea turned out to be false...as he laughed at my question about the Garden of Eden last summer!! ) I came back to SGBC as Joel's youth intern. He gave me my first opportunity to work in ministry. It was a tough summer, to say the least, but he guided and encouraged me. He was even a good sport when I decorated his office in pink! With Joel, there was Erica, which was an added bonus! By having them in my life, I have seen what a Godly marriage looks like, how to raise children in a Christ-centered (and super fun) way, and how to let your life be a ministry.

Bottom line, I am so very lucky to have been discipled by these two guys and I am extremely thankful for all the ways they have poured into me.

A weekend in Nac

It was my first time to go back to Nac after the not-so-fun weekend I had right after graduation. I was pretty apprehensive about it. I knew I would have a good time. It was Maribeth's birthday and there was a surprise party going on, which I was sure would be fun. I would get the chance to see some friends that I hadn't seen in a pretty long time, and I was pretty stoked about that. But there were also a few things I was extremely apprehensive about...

...So much so that I would start thinking about it...over-analyzing it... and my chest would get extremely tight, so much so that it was difficult to breathe. I would sweat profusely. It was an all-around unpleasant experience.

There was one specific person that I was particularly anxious about crossing paths with. I had prepared myself for the fated reunion...well, I thought I did. When they didn't show up, I was oddly let down.

As I left Nacogdoches on Sunday, I did a lot of thinking. Nac wasn't the same as when I graduated. So much as changed, and not just the landmarks. The people are different. I'm definitely different (which I am extremely thankful for). But for some weird reason, I had a short breakdown. I knew that Nac would never be the same. Even just going back is kind of bittersweet. It reminds me of so many good memories, but also of many not-so-good ones. (Maybe because the last year seemed to be filled with more not-so-good ones).

Either way, I'm glad I went to Nac, but glad that I waited so long to return.

I wonder

One of the blogs I follow, Ragamuffin Soul posted something amazing the other day...and I thought I'd share

I wonder.
I wonder how many people, if we actually asked them, keep coming back to our churches because of our stellar Sunday productions.
I wonder if we ask the right people.
I wonder if we stopped, for a while, if people would keep coming.
I wonder if we turned off the lights and pulled the band if more people would come or go.
I wonder if we flipped the teaching time and music time, if it would matter.
I wonder if first time visitors are more concerned with what happens outside the auditorium than what happens inside it.
I wonder if the things we’ve rebelled against are the exact things we’ve become.
I wonder if church buildings will ever be used more than 2% a week.
I wonder if there has been more energy put into our Easter weekend services than our neighbors on the left and right.

I wonder with all the talk of social justice, why those friends keep walking by homeless people without even a smile.
I wonder when we will stop arguing about how to run the church and begin to start running our families.
I wonder how disrespected my dad feels by my generation of preachers saying his way is the wrong way.
I wonder how disrespected my generation of preachers will feel when our kids say our way is the wrong way.
I wonder when chenis envy will be replaced with prayer for others to succeed.
I wonder if churches without buildings will ever realize how good they have it.
I wonder when church planting became an industry.
I wonder if we know that our opinions are just that, opinions.
I wonder if those who say my church is an inch deep and a mile wide know that they would actually drown in the inch we provide.

Thankful Thursday (a day late)

I know I am over a day late from posting my Thankful Thursday post of the week...but better late than never, right??

I am so thankful for my church, FBC Sulphur Springs. It is definitely the biggest church I have been a part of. And the first two weeks were not ideal (noone spoke to me...not in SS or in worship). But I tried one more week, and have loved it ever since. I have gotten connected with some amazing families, which I will be eternally thankful for. FBC SS is a big family-oriented church. And when you don't have a family to sit with in worship, it can get kinda awkward, but there are some families that always look out for me and invite me to just jump on in with their family.

And then today, I was so encouraged. I heard that some people from church were roofing a house, so I jumped on board with it. We got out there this afternoon, and there were men and women who had TAKEN OFF WORK to VOLUNTEER to take down and put up a roof for a guy that really needs it. It was incredible.

So all in all..I am thankful for my church.

While I'm Waiting....

So the last month has brought some uncertainty as far as my future goes. I found out a couple of weeks ago that the state convention has cut it's budget and though my original plan was to stay in Commerce for another year, I am basically out of a job at the end of May.

Dang it.

And I felt like I was finally getting in the groove of things. I was finally comfortable. And God just yanks the rug right out from under me.

There are a couple of options...

1. We have sent out support letters, with the hope of raising financial support so I can stick around another year.

2. I have my teaching certificate and have started applying for teaching jobs. I am applying in the Dallas area, but also around the Commerce/Sulphur Springs area. In a perfect world (that involves teaching), I would love to stay around here. I LOVE the people I have met here. I would really miss one-on-one discipleship with some of the students. And I REALLY LOVE my church.

so thats whats up... i'd appreciate any prayers you could spare...

Thankful Thursday

So a few other blogs I follow post something they are thankful for on Thursdays. I thought I'd follow their lead.

Today, I am reminded that I should be thankful that I live in America in 2009. In case you were unaware, I am a pretty independent, self-sufficient person. I don't really like people telling me what to do and I DEFINITELY am not a fan of someone telling me what/how to think. Over the past few weeks, I have read so much on different topics. I try to always look into all sides of any topic, hoping to form my opinion on my own. I am very thankful that I live in a place and time where that's the norm. I don't have to believe something simply because someone tells me to. In fact, I am EXPECTED to take what they say and form my own opinion after looking further into it.

Hooray for that.

Beach Reach was last week...more on that later.

I'm talking to a friend now, a friend from SFA. Dear ol' Lauren Radtke, oh how I love thee haven't actually seen the girl since..... MAY?!?!?!? But she is still one of my dearest friends. Even when she was studying in Costa Rica for the summer, then Argentina in the fall, we still made a point to keep in touch. Now THAT'S a friend.

I remember when I first met Rad....at Burger Bash my junior year at SFA. It was her first week at SFA as a freshmen. She came to the BSM Burger Bash and we connected pretty well. We ended up becoming pretty good friends over the next year. Her sophomore year, my senior year, we led a small group Bible study together.

Honestly, I don't know what I would have done without Radtke during those last months at SFA. It seemed that all of my other friendships that I had built up over the past four years had already fizzled out. But she didn't. I was a wreck most of the time during that last semester. But she still loved me and was my friend, a true friend. I don't know how many times I called her, crying about the hurt or pain caused by relationships, and she would calm me down then make me laugh with an inappropriate joke! :)

It's funny how some friendships fade. You can continue to put effort into them, but if it's not meant to be, it will simply fade out. But not with Radtke. I know some friends are meant to be in your life for a short season, but after talking to Radtke tonight, I am sure that she is one that will stick around. Heck, she has stuck around this long.... may as well stick around a little more.

It's so weird

Today marked the end of 17 years. Today, A&B Tire closed it's doors for the last time.

It's crazy to think that the place my dad has worked so hard to build and keep up for the last seventeen years is no more. But with the downfall of the economy, this is a decision that is long overdue.

So today, my mom and I took off and spent the day in Greenville with my dad. We took down and packed up all personal momentos. We loaded up the plaques and pictures. But really, we reminisced.

I feel like that place was so much of my childhood. I remember when he first opened the business and Bubba and I would go down the Greenville so we could shoot commercials. We used to ride the car lifts up and down, up and down, up and down. We never grew tired of it. We used to LOVE to open up the vending machine and coke machine to get a snack out. I would go to work with dad and my job was putting orders into the computer. I also LOVED to wash the blue off the white wall tires. Bubba would go out and do service calls on the road. The highlight of our day with dad would be when the "roach coach" came and dad would buy us something terrible, yet delicious.

I hated driving away from A&B Tire for the last time. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what my family needs to do. I am looking forward to getting my dad back...not the stressed out, grumpy, overwhelmed guy that's been at home for the past few years.

And just for the record....I thought about riding the car lift one more time...but didnt.

This was posted on another blog I read...and I thought it was definitely worth sharing.



I saw something very touching last night.
Or maybe heartbreaking is a better word.

As I was going down into the chilly subway station to wait for the train, a man was standing on the platform close to the wall.

From my quick peripheral observation (which I sadly have mastered since living here) I could tell he was, or looked, homeless or very poor.

The assumption seemed to be confirmed when I heard him mumbling something to people as they passed by him.

To each person he mumbled the same phrase.

I couldn't tell what he was saying, which probably meant (I thought) he was drunk or a little crazy and wasn't saying anything intelligible at all.

This assessment happened in about 2 seconds time as I approached him, seeing the person in front of me pass on by, not even glancing his way.

I passed by, not even glancing his way.

I felt a pang of guilt. (Guilt or the Holy Spirit convicting me?)

I heard a man's voice behind me say kindly,
"What is it you need, Sir?"

I turned around and saw the whole scene.

The man who didn't pass by was a business-looking man... clean cut, long nice dress coat.

Again, the man mumbled his line.
The man who didn't pass by asked him to repeat himself because he couldn't understand.

Finally he heard, and I heard, what the man what saying...
"Would you mind doing me a small favor?"

"Sure, what can I do for you?"
(He was just as uncomfortable as the rest of us would have been in the same situation. You could tell he was painfully aware of all the others on the platform staring at the scene, and aware of the potential hazards in stopping... but he stayed)

"Sir, would you mind zipping up my jacket? I'm crippled and can't do it on my own."

Immediately his handicap became obvious... a shriveled hand and forearm stuck up against his chest.

The man who didn't pass by proceeded to move in close... as close as you would have to be to zip someone's jacket zipper.
That's a pretty intimate process... way beyond the boundaries of personal space... it's something parents do for their small children who are not yet able.
He fumbled for a few seconds with the zipper on the man's dirty maroon jacket, and proceeded to zip it up. There they stood, face to face.

The crippled man was obviously touched, saying, "Thank you so much, Sir, thank you so much."

The train pulled up.
I stepped in the same car as the man who didn't pass by, and I could hear the crippled man yell again, "Thank you so much, Sir!"

As we pulled away from the station, we saw through the window the crippled man still standing where he had been.

I looked over and saw (what looked like) tears in the eyes of the man who didn't pass by.
I said to him, "That was really amazing what you just did."

He looked down sadly, shook his head, and sincerely said,"No, it really wasn't. I could have done so much more."

Yes, I guess he could have.
But he did so much more than any of the rest of us were willing to do.

And in his small gesture he gave something invaluable back to this man... his humanity.

He said to him, "Yes, I hear you speaking, and I care enough to stop... and to be patient and listen to what you have to say, even when it is so uncomfortable, and to put my fears aside in order to meet a need you have... in order to LOVE you. And I do this because it is what Jesus has done for me, and what He has done for you."

This beautiful, heartbreaking picture reminded me of what Jesus said about loving.

I praise the Lord today for people like this man- my husband- and pray that I would love Jesus so much that I would not pass by.

Happy Birthday Bubba...from some international students!

Last semester, Praveen, Aravind, and Yoshi met Bubba, when Bubba was in town to visit me one weekend. We all hung out one night...

... as the three of them walked into the BSM today for free lunch, they "reminded me" that today is Bubba's birthday. (I guess they saw it on Facebook) I got a brilliant idea to make a video for Bubba featuring my international friends. I thought I'd share with you too.

Time to get honest...

So I was home for a couple of days to celebrate Bubba's birthday (more on that later). I told my mom yesterday that we needed to call Jeremey today (Valentines) to see how he and the kids are doing. We got kinda busy and never did.

After birthday celebrations wrapped up tonight, I packed up the good ol' Explorer and headed back to Commerce. As I was driving, I started thinking about Jeremey and the kids. I ended up texting Jeremey to let him know that I was thinking about him and the kids. I had to text him on Margaret's phone though, since that's the phone he is using now. It was weird to see that I was sending a text to her phone, knowing that it's not actually going to her.

And the waterworks turned on. As I drove down 30, I started wondering if he would get the text..and what he would be doing as he got the text....and would he text back? I figured Gretchen and Barton were probably already in bed, so he was just sitting up enjoying the peace and quiet. But was it peaceful for him...spending his first Valentines WITHOUT the love of his life? I can't imagine what that must be like.

Then I started thinking...will I EVER BE OKAY WITH THIS? I mean...really.... I probably break down at least once or twice a week since Margaret has passed away. Every time I think about the kids growing up without their mom, I get a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I just don't see how God could do that. I feel like He was on vacation that day...as if that was the ONE DAY that He stepped off the throne. Of course I know this is not true....but it sure feels like it. When I get honest with myself, my heart is asking "How could a loving God STEAL an amazing, loving mother from two YOUNG kids who may never remember their mom?" I hate to admit it, but there are times that I think, "Aren't there plenty of other people who could have died that day instead of her?" It's just not fair.... And yes I know life is not fair...

....but how do I explain that to Gretchen, the four year old darling of a little girl who still thinks mommy is coming home? How do I tell her that Mommy went to go live with Jesus without her thinking that Jesus isn't a good guy? Because that's what happened.... Gretchen was told that Mommy went to live with Jesus and she replied with, "Well then I don't like Jesus..."

It's not fair... and I don't like it..... and I'm pretty angry with God about the whole thing...

Ever since coming to Commerce, the sororities have been on my heart. The sorority houses are just right across the street from the BSM. However, we do not intentionally reach out to them in any way. It has been something I have praying about since early August.
At the end of last semester, I met Heather, a Kappa Delta who occasionally comes to the BSM. She had been praying about doing a small group for the girls in her sorority house. Well doesn't God work things out?
After a lot of running around trying to figure out the details and such, the small group for the sorority girls will be starting this Wednesday. I'm pretty excited about it. We will be going through Bad Girls of the Bible. I know that this is something that God has orchestrated, but I don't want to be too haughty about it. I'm still leaning completely on him for him to come through on this. There's no way I can lead a small group effectively without Him. I am praying that He will be so present this Wednesday that the girls that come will have to go home and tell the other girls in their sorority about the small group.
So if you think about it, pray for the our small group on Wednesday at 8:30.

A new obsession

In case I haven't told you yet, my newest obsession is craft blogs. I am subscribed to WAY TOO MANY blogs kept by stay-at-home mom's that make all this cute stuff for their house. Well, I tried to make some stuff myself...and I thought I'd share my mere attempts.









I bought this plate AND the stand at the dollar store. I simply wrote a verse on it and now it's on the bar!








This candle stand was at Goodwill for two bucks. It was really dirty, with wax caked on all over. But with some cleaning and a couple coats of spray paint, it looks brand new!



I got these four glasses at a thrift store too. I cleaned them up and added some blue and brown marbles, and now I LOVE THEM!










I still can't decide if I like this or not. I bought a round styrofoam thing (no, I don't know the technical terms) at the dollar store. Then I went to Wal-Mart for fabric. LUCKY FOR ME, the Wal-Mart here in Commerce is getting rid of their fabric center, so it was all 70% OFF!! Now, this is hanging on my front door.

Being Sick is NO FUN!

Thursday night, I my throat started hurting...didn't think much about it. Kept getting worse and worse throughout the weekend. Monday morning, I waved my white flag and made a doctor's appointment. His verdict...a bad case of strep and a sinus infection. I am now in quarantine. I woke up this morning feeling worse than yesterday. I switch between my bed and the couch. I have watched at least four movies...

I lead such an exciting life.

It's been just two months since Margaret passed away. It has been a really tough two months too. There have been a quite a few times that I have gone to hang out with the kids. Each time, I break down as I leave, knowing that they may never remember their mommy.

Today was worse than the other days though. My mom and I both took the day off. We went out to Flower Mound to take my grandmother (Margaret's mom) out to lunch. While we were at lunch, I asked her how the kids were doing. She said Gretchen, who is four, thinks Margaret is going to come home at some point. My Grandmother had to tell her that no, Mommy is living with Jesus now. Gretchen replied, "Well then I don't like Jesus."

Now, Grandmother says that Mommy lives in Heaven now.

It killed me.

When we got back to the house, we were playing with Gretchen. She went over to a table that had a lot of pictures on it. She was looking at a picture of Margaret and Jeremey. She said, "Let's go to the airport to get Mommy." I lost it. How do you explain to a four year old that her mommy is not coming home....that we won't be going to the airport to pick mommy up....???

When I go home to my parents, this is what I come home to....





















I have my bed from college in my room at my parents house. Its a twin day bed. When I go to bed at nihgt, I often go alone, which is quite lovely. But I wake up with both Luke and Belle in bed with me. I am smashed up against the wall while the two dogs are stretched out.

Something is wrong with that...

Now I don't necessarily believe everything Brian McLaren does, but I saw this today on his blog...and thought I'd share.

If you have driven around Dallas at all, it is very possible that you have seen a billboard like this. While I was home over the break, I saw a couple of these signs. A couple of weeks ago, I finally checked out the site. If you haven't been to www.iamsecond.com yet, then go...NOW. There are different people, well-known and common folk, that are simply telling their stories about when they realized that they are second and Christ is first. Check it out.

When you see a church that’s empty,
Though its doors are open wide,
It’s not the church that’s dying,
It’s the laymen who have died.

For it’s not by song or sermon
That the church’s work is done,
It is the laymen of our country
Who for God must carry on.

--W.A. Criswell

Happy New Year!

New Year's is always a time to reflect on the past year and look forward in expectancy for the upcoming year.

I went to a NYE party last night where I was asked to write down my new year's resolution. I think the last time I actually wrote down a resolution was in middle school. After returning to school from Christmas break, it seemed teachers always had us write a paper about our resolutions....lame.

Needless to say, I'm not sure I have given serious thought to a New Years resolution in a few years. I would throw random statement out when someone would ask about it, but knew all along I probably wouldn't keep whatever resolution I made up.

So I thought about it, and here's my resolution. It's one I would like to keep.

I want to be happy, genuinely happy. This past year, 2008, has probably been the hardest year of my life. My heart was shattered, which may arguably have been my own fault. I graduated and left a place that had been my home for four years. I spent four years developing friendships with people that within the matter of weeks faded away. I moved to a new, strange place and started over. I lost someone that was very dear to me. 2008 wasn't the greatest of years.

But I know that God has big things in store for 2009... I'm banking on it.

I can't believe the semester is already over. I have been in Commerce for a mere five months, but there are some days that I feel like I have been here forever. Of course, there are other days that I feel like I have been here two days.

This semester has been a tough one. It's hard to move off to a place where you don't know a soul and start all over. Mix in the fact that your WHOLE LIFE is supposed to be about ministering to people. I think I fell on my face. A lot.

But I learned a lot too. I learned that ministry is hard....really hard. And I have to love people not out of obligation, but because Jesus loves them. I learned that true friends will be there for you, no matter how many miles away they live. I learned that being an adult is hard, but I can do it. I also learned that a pre-written budget makes things go a lot easier.

I am looking forward to God doing some major things next semester. I will be leading a small group in the sorority houses, which I am continuing to pray about. I know that this is something God laid on my heart and He has allowed it all to work out so far. I pray that girls will be drawn closer to Him through studying His word. I am also praying for a spiritual awakening amongst the believers on the campus of A&M Commerce, both in the BSM and outside. I pray that these students would be so excited about what Jesus is doing in their lives, that they couldn't help but to talk about it.

finals memory

With finals week upon us, I am reminded of my first round of finals during my first semester of my freshmen year at SFA.

That semester, I took the cursed Chem 125 class. Not only was this class a total bore, but it has a Friday final....at 8 in the morning. I don't know what I did the night before the final, but I know that I woke up at about 9 30 on Friday morning. I rolled over in bed, looked at my clock, and yelled out a "not-so-Christian" word. Without washing my face or brushing my teeth, I took off. I SPRINTED all the way from my dorm room to the science building. As I made it to the lecture hall, I saw the last of the other students trickling out after finishing their final. I didn't know what to do, so I did something I am very ashamed of.... I lied

I'm pretty sure I told the professors (two professors team-taught the course) that I was sick, which was why I was late for the final. One of them showed small signs of sympathy while the other was pretty much apathetic. I begged them to let me take the final. By then it was 9:45, and the final was supposed to be from 8-10. I swore that I could take it in just 15 minutes, if they would just give me a chance.

Needless to say, I took the final and passed the class....

Margaret

Margaret wasn't just an aunt, but more like the older sister that I always wanted. See, she lived with us for a while after she graduated from college. My brother and I would come home from school and she would give us a snack and help us with our homework. This was often the time that Bubba and I would fight and argue in the worst way. Margaret would get so mad at us and tell us that we were the "best birth control."

Over the last couple of days, I have been reminded of so many different ways that Margaret has influenced my life.

She has done big things in my life, like influencing me to go to college.
Margaret was a lot of the reason I wanted to go to college. I remember one Christmas when she got us all ENMU shirts. I loved that T-shirt. I can vividly picture her college graduation. We went to Portales for the weekend and it was then that I decided that I wanted to go to college. After seeing where Margaret lived, meeting her friends, and visiting the campus with Margaret, I knew that if my college experience was anything like Margaret's, I would be happy.

My senior year in high school, Margaret was probably more excited than me about starting to look for the right university. She took off and went with me, a friend, and my mom to visit Texas A&M. She made ME excited about going to school!

I don't know if I ever told her how much it truly meant for me to come to my college graduation. It was so special that she made such a big effort to gather up the kids and Jeremey to drive over three hours to Nacogdoches after a full day at work. They then got up early the next morning to sit in a muggy colisseum for my few seconds of fame as my name was called and I walked across the stage. Once we got back to my house, I was expecting them to say goodbye and head out. But Margaret and Jeremey saw that I was an emotional wreck and volunteered to stick around and help me and my parents pack up my things so I could move back home. Margaret was always one of the most selfless and giving people I knew.

Margaret was always doing selfless things, simply to show someone that she loved them. My sophmore year of high school, my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. She had to have major surgery and was in the hospital for quite sometime in the fall. It just so happened that she was going to be in the hospital over my high school's homecoming. Knowing that there were other things to worry about, I didn't mention anything. But Margaret did not want me to miss out. She and Stephanee, her best friend, came to our house on the night of the event. They helped me get ready, did my make up, re-styled my hair after I hated what the stylist did, and took lots of pictures. Margaret not only didn't want me to miss out, but she didn't want my mom to miss the event.

Margaret also influenced me in the smallest ways too. I realized that I always try to keep clear or a natural color paint on my fingernails, because that's what she did. Somehow, it's like I thought that if I kept my nails painted, I could be beautiful, like her.

I always wanted to be like her. She seemed to have everything that I could have ever wanted.

In her room in Carlsbad, Margaret had a trundle bed that I loved. As a kid, I always wanted a trundle bed so I could be as cool as her. She also had a vanity in her room. When we used to visit Carlsbad, I would sneak off in her room and sit at her vanity. I would pretend I was putting on make-up, getting ready for a big date or a night out with my friends. I wanted to be just my beauitful Aunt Margaret.

When I was in seventh grade at a brand new junior high, I somehow got the guts to run for student council. Why? Because Margaret was student body president at her university. And I wanted to be like her. In fact, when I won the student council election, Margaret bought me a charm bracelet with my first charm, a gavel. I still treasure that charm bracelet.

Margaret collected crosses, so I started to collect them too. I seemed to think that only "cool" people collected crosses, and I wanted to be cool, like Margaret.

Margaret's wedding to Jeremey will forever be the ideal wedding to me. Even now, many years later, I always compare every wedding to hers. In my opinion, she had the most beautiful and most incredible wedding I have ever been to. I can only wish that my wedding will be as magical and perfect as hers was.

She used to have a standard car. I used to love to ride around with her, with Green Day playing in the background while she let me change gears whenever she would say, "shift!" I thought I was so cool. I wanted a manual car for a long time for that reason.


I remember a lot about her.

When we were young, my brother and I used to go up to Carlsbad for a week every summer. I remember one time when she was driving me and my brother back to Carlsbad. We spent the whole eight hours making up silly rules for the car ride. Some of our silly rules included if you needed to pass gas, you would have to stick your rear out the window while one of us held your hand. She also made it clear that there would be no asking "how much further" or an excessive amount of pit stops.That's one big thing Margaret taught me, to live your life in each moment. Don't simply let it pass you by, but enjoy every minute of it.

Apparently when Margaret was really young, she had quite the imagination. She made up an original song to sing while taking a shower. I made it my mission one summer to have her teach me that song. Even to this day, everytime I go to some sort of camp or retreat, I always teach the people I am with Margaret's shower song. Most of the girls from my home church can sing this song by heart too, because they have heard it so much.


But Margaret did not just make an impact on me when I was younger. In the recent years, I have found myself idolizing her in numerous ways. She showed me how to be a woman of character and integrity. She was a working woman and a devoted mom. She sought hard after the Lord and encouraged me in pursuing work in the ministry.

In this whole situation, I think what breaks my heart the most is the kids. Gretchen and Barton may not remember their mom as I do. In a way, I feel guilty that I knew Margaret so well. But I have decided that I do not simply want to be a cousin to Gretchen and Barton. I want to be like Margaret and go the extra mile so they know that I love them. And hopefully, they will catch a glimpse of their beautiful mom in me.

This is my aunt Margaret. She looks too young to be an aunt, huh? Well, she was more like an older sister. She was just 34, married to an amazing man with two beautiful kids, 2 and 4, who I would do anything for. I adored Margaret.

I don't understand it, and frankly, I'm a little angry about it. Margaret passed away this week. She was helping a friend with a rent house in Albequrque. (she was always one of the most loving, giving people I knew) They got there late Thursday night. She called Jeremey at home to tell him that she made it okay. Then, she and her friend turned on the heat before going to bed. Unfortunately, the furnace was broken and had a leak. Margaret never woke up. She and her friend passed away from carbon monoxide poisoning.

So if you have time, I beg you to please pray for Jeremey and their kids, Gretchen and Barton.

so....its been a while

I have been up to a lot in the past couple of months... rather..God has been up to a lot. But Iw ant to share one story in particular.

Last Monday was the WMU World Day of Prayer. Our local association, the Hunt Baptist Association was hosting this event in Lone Oak, a small town about an hour outside of Commerce. I had been asked to lead out in the time of prayer for North America, so I knew I had to be on time. I was not completely sure where I was going. I had gotten turned around a couple of times, so I was definitly running a little behind.

I finally made it Lone Oak, but still not totally sure where the retreat center was. However, as I was pulling into the town, I saw this lady that was at least fifty years old walking down the two-lane highway. As I was beginning to pass her, I thought "I should pick her up." But knowing I was running late, I went ahead and passed her. I didnt get far before I felt bad and turned around, but then I remembered I was running late and turned back to find the retreat center. I got about a mile down the highway and I just KNEW I had to pick her up.

After stopping to pick up my new friend, Ms. Mary, she explained that her gas had been stolen from her truck for the THIRD DAY. I took her to the police station. Sometime during our conversation, I told her that I was in Lone Oak for a World Day of Prayer and invited her to join me. She was SO EXCITED TO!

We showed up a little late, but the ladies at the retreat center didn't mind at all. The World Day of Prayer went great, and I can say with confidence that I wasn't the only one who enjoyed Ms. Mary's presence.

As I was taking Ms. Mary back home, she went on and on praising the Lord for how things had worked out for her. She said that she was about to get laid off for the Rubbermaid factory, she was in a financial bind, and she was in the "eye of the storm," but she was going to keep praising the Lord.

I want faith like Ms. Mary's.

Happy 150th Post!!!

So I have decided that one of my favorite parts of doing collegiate ministry is that I can live vicariously through other students. For instance, while at SFA, I always wished I could have taken more art classes. Not only did I not have the space in my schedule, but I probably don't have the patience to work on ONE art piece for weeks at a time. However, it turns out that A&M Commerce has a pretty big art program. I have been able to help a couple of students with their art pieces, at my convenience. The best part is, when I want to quit and go home, I can!

Another example, I have always wanted to take a photography class. Just so happens we have a few photo majors at the BSM. I had one student take me up to the photo room and show me all the fun machines and gadgets that process the film. I am hoping to go with her next time she has to process film, and see the whole thing in action.

As a leadership team, we are working our way through UnChristian. I started reading this book earlier this summer, but it brings a whole new perspective on it when you discuss it with other people. I almost feel like the UnChristian book was written about me. I have a lot of the same ideas that are expressed in the book. I totally understand why non-believers aren't big fans of the church. Heck! There are plenty of times that I'm not a big fan of the church. ("church" as in body of believers, not building with a steeple).
This book deals with a lot of the conceptions not-yet-believers have of Christians today. Our leadership team so far has discussed the issues of hypocrisy and being too concerned with numbers. I was shocked with how many people (not just our leadership team) were taken aback by what the research showed.
Needless to say, next week, we are taking about the people thinking that Christians are anti-homosexual. Should be an interesting conversation..and yours truly is leading it....

LOVE it!

Ministry is hard

I have been in Commerce for 5 weeks now. Classes have been in session for two weeks. Some days I feel like I have been here for only a couple days. Other days, I feel like I have been here forever.

I have found the toughest thing about doing ministry, at least collegiate ministry, is you can't force someone to have a heart for the campus. I want so badly to get into the students' minds and make them understand that there is a whole campus out there that does not know the Lord. I want them to have compassion for these people.

I can tell them over and over again about Jesus' heart for all, but until it "clicks" with them, I can only sit back, encourage them, and above all, pray for the campus...which is exactly what I intend to do.

I MADE IT!

I made it thru my first "real" week as an intern. There were times that I thought the week would never end. It seemed like we had event after event after event.

I am still working on getting to know everybody. At times, I found myself getting jealous of people who are interning at the campus they graduated from. They already know everybody. There were many times this week when someone would wonder into the BSM or up to me at an event. I would introduce myself and start telling them a bit about whats going on at the BSM, and they would look back at me like I was an idiot and say, "I know. I come here all the time." SHOOT!

I was feeling a little discouraged by the end of the week. I was really struggling with my purpose here...but I met someone at Overflow on Thursday night that really lifted my spirits. Afterwards, we were cleaning everything up and there was still some students just hanging out. Koji was standing off by himself, so I went up and introduced myself to him. He told me that he had graduated from A&M Commerce last May and was simply back for a visit. We began talking about him being an international student from Japan. His story is amazing....

Koji first came to Texas from Japan four years ago. He was at Trinity Valley Community College in Athens....a happening place. There, he had a few friends that would occassionally invite him to the free lunch at the BSM. He went, only to leave frustrated with all the "Christian stuff." One day, he was in the library, when another student from the BSM just walked by and said hello to him. He claims to have not known the girl, but felt like there was simply something different about her. Later that week, he wondered into the BSM for another lunch. A few weeks later, the BSM director told him about a group of Asian students from DBU that were getting together for a fellowship. He decided to join them, in hopes of asking some hard questions. And he did just that. After leaving that night, he wrestled for a while about what God had planted in his heart. He later went to meet with the director of the BSM at TVCC, where he prayed to invite Christ in his life.


And now....just THREE YEARS LATER.... he is in seminary. I was dumbfounded. Here was this guy, who was SO PUMPED UP about his Savior. He has been on many short-term mission trips, and is now studying to be a church planter or missionary. I want to be like Koji.

Its been a crazy week... more to come later.

But until then...check this out. I saw it on BBC News and thought it was worth sharing.

Joel owes me some money

It all started on August 6th, when Joel uploaded a certain video to his blog. (So before you watch my video, I BEG for you to watch the video on his. Otherwise, I fear what you will think about my video as a stand-alone)

So I watched the video on his blog, and my first thought was " OH MY GOSH!! That girl is a ME when I was little...we are ONE IN THE SAME!" I was not the only one to have that reaction once watching the video. I have talked to others who also think that this little girl is me reincarnated.

I couldn't let this 10 year old show me up. So here you go....

I just got back from a Campus Missionary/Intern retreat. I was a little nervous going into it. But I really did have a great time. I met some awesome people that are serving on campuses all over Texas. It was so (not to sound corny) inspiring to hear their hearts for college students. It also helped with the whole "lonely" factor. Meeting people who are kinda in the same boat as me was refreshing. It's good to know I am not alone.

We also got so many different resources. I am so stoked for this semester now.

Cribs: Commerce Style

Well, kids... I have survived my first week in Commerce. Can't say it was the most exciting weeks of my life. I still only know maybe...two people. Therefore, my weekend was pretty bland. I watched a total of five rented movies... and I'm pretty much okay with that.

Man..but visiting a church all by yourself is a new kind of lonesome. I visited one this morning... and I'm pretty sure they could have cared less that I was there. Not one person talked to me...even in Sunday school! But, I am going to try to give them the benefit of the doubt and say they were having an "off" day...so I will give it another try. I did visit another church tonight that I enjoyed. It is a brand new church plant here in Commerce. A lot of young people, but some families as well. They seem to be a tight knit community...which I'm down for.

Brittany came to visit me last Thursday...which was SO EXCITING!!! I dont know if I have ever been so excited to see her. I was getting a little lonesome, so she was JUST what I needed. We even filmed our own version of "Cribs." I am hoping to post it tomorrow, once I get internet at the apt.

Well... I think I hear another movie calling my name...

..until next time..

Howdy...from Commerce!

Well.... its day two on the job. I moved down here on Sunday. I love my apartment...though its weird to live by myself. I keep waiting for Lindsay to walk in the door so we can make plans about the next Gilmore Girls we will watch. Maybe once I get the boxes cleared away, I will post some pics.
I got the pleasure of going to an associational meeting last night. Not too bad.
I am looking forward to meeting more students. I have spent the last day and a half working on my office...you know...putting stuff on the walls, filling the bookshelves...that kind of stuff. Classes dont start til the 25th. I hope I get more to do before then.

I wish I was a black woman...

If you know me at all, you would know that I am slightly in love with Tyler Perry. Madea is my hero. I recently read Tyler Perry's book "Don't Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings." I loved it. All of it. Because put bluntly, I love black people. I love their culture, their humor, all of it.

As I was reading, "Madea" (Tyler Perry) makes an AMAZING point about friendships. Seeing as how this is an issue I have been worried about/struggling with... I thought I'd share:

"Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season. You have to know which is which. I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. They are just unstable. You can't count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree. What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It'll wither and die and blow away. There ain't no need to be praying over a leaf to be resurrected. When it's dead it's gone. Let it go. Some people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now and then. If you're grown, you know what I'm talking about, because you can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That's the leaf people. They come and take.

"Then there are people like a branch. You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life. So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you're going out on a limb, don't put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to grow up before it can hold all of the thigns you want to share with it.

"Finally, there are people who are like the roots at the bottom of the tree. If you find yourself two or three people in your entire lifetime that are like the roots, then you are blessed. The roots don't care nothing about being seen. All they're there to do is hold that tree up, to make sure it stays in the air. It comes from the earth to give that tree everything it needs. That's what relationships should be about. That's what you need, people who want to be in your life for the right reasons.

"If somebody wants to walk out of your life, you've got to LET THEM GO. When you learn to love yourself, you will end up giving standards to everbody around you. Again, I repeat for emphasis, if they don't meet those standards, you have to let them go, because they might be a leaf. And forgive them with all your might."


....ahh.... I love Madea

So I am officially obsessed with blogs. Google Reader is the most handy thing ever invented. With it, I subscribe to numerous blogs, but can read them all in one place.

One that I love to look at is boston.com/bigpicture. Check it out. This is my fave so far....




And I thought police on segways were kinda silly....

i love sports

i know its another video....but just watch it

steve harvey introduces jesus

the elephant in the room...

Graduation was merely two months ago. On the dot. And already, I have lost contact with 99% of my friends from SFA.

This has probably been because of a lack of effort on both sides. I gotta say though, there are somedays where I'm fine with how things have turned out. There are other days where it flat out STINKS.

It's days like I have had lately that can be rough when it comes to this whole "recently friend-less" season of my life. I've really been struggling during the past week, in a couple of ways. Simply put, I've been down. There have been a couple of things that I thought were pretty much dealt with that keep creeping back up. Can't say I'm a fan.

It's in those moments where I wish I could pick up the phone and call someone who was familar with the situation. The only thing worse that dealing with a problem is to have to explain how the problem started to someone before whining about the actual thing.

Of course I knew a time like this would come. I heard someone make a really good point once....Growing up, we always had "school friends." These were the people in grade school up to high school that were your friends at school, but not so much outside of school. Well when we go off to college, we may think that our days of having "school friends" are over. But maybe they aren't. Maybe instead of "school friends" clocking out at the end of each school day, they clock out at graduation. After all, when you are away at school, the "school friends" are all you have. You often don't have "real friends" to come home to at the end of the day.

It's just a thought.

And I dont say this to put down the amazing people I was close with over the past four years. I would not trade anything for everything each of them has done for me. And as much as my prideful self hates to admit it, there are times that I miss these people... a lot.

I am going to Commerce.

That being said...why does everyone constantly ask me "why?" Many people have asked why would I EVER want to go to Commerce when I had Minneapolis at my fingertips. Countless people ask WHY WOULD I EVEN THINK ABOUT starting a young adult ministry/small group at my home church when I am only here for the summer?

Get off my back.

Don't you think I have prayed and sought God out on this? Because I have. And I am confident on what He has be doing right now.

I would have LOVED to have gone to Minneapolis. It kills me that I am still turning down job offers up there. But a lot has come to head over the past month or so. I realized that in going to Minneapolis, I would be looking for an easy escape, simply running away. And I can't do that. Because I am tired of running.

a little update..


turned down the job in Minneapolis.

Went to Commerce on Friday to talk about a job there.

Freaked out.

Got another job offer in Minneapolis.

I'm not ready to make a big-girl decision.

Moving home has proven to be a lot harder than I thought. And I even knew coming into it that it wouldn't be easy.

To say the least, relationships have changed... all of them. A lot of them have fizzled out. It's only been a month since my days in Nac came to an end, and already, I think my phone bill wont be nearly as high.

Went to Nac this weekend... by far the worst mistake of my life. My heart was shattered, in more ways than one.

Turned down a job to Minneapolis... Never thought I'd say that.

My life is in a serious rut. I feel like everything has gone to pot...and has been for awhile. I have just been masking it all...I realized that going to Minneapolis would be running away from my problems, my aching heart. It sucks, no doubt..but it is what it is.